Thursday, March 30, 2006
A Lost Battle
Standing here, in the cold
In the rain, what I'd give
To feel warm again..
The battle for our souls have already been won. In A.D. 33 one man came to fight the one battle that would determine the fate of our lives. It was a tough battle and at the most crucial point the source of His strength would forsake Him. Yet Love for us wretched beings and Obedience to the One Creator was what kept Him going. How many times have I heard this story? Easter's just around the corner. It will be re-enacted again. What will my response be? A gush of gratitude and awesomeness? Or a sense of guilt and remorse? Or both? "Where your heart is, there your treasure will be also". Day in day out where do my thots dwell in? What are my eyes fixed on? What is it my heart yearns for? Does tt even matter? It should not, for I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. And my heart is 'desperately wicked and deceitful'. Speak to me, Wonderful Counselor. Apart from you I am nothing and can do nothing. Help me to choose the right path to walk, and renew my heart to be more and more like You. That wherever I go and whatever I do I may shine for you.
I've been called up to do another two more musicals. It's a quirky thing that I've been called up. Honestly I don't have a very good impression of the director/scriptwriter. Haha. Getting picky are we? After the previous one I did I look back in disbelief. Things fell into place really miraculously and it's really a clear indication I had God's blessing. This time I'm more afraid it'd become a little god of its own. God showed me what gifts He's bestowed on me through this experience but I'd really like to know how then I can use it to bless His name. Guess it's not wrong to take up the offer but i'd like to know if it's God's will.. Search me O God, my secret heart lies plain before you.
Mantou at 5:13 PM
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Reality vs. Truth
Does reality necessarily equate the truth? I think not. Beliefs form your perspective of the situation. You believe God isn't there. Is that the truth? But it becomes the reality as you would perceive. Until you shift your perspective the reality of a situation would never change. That's why reality can be warped. Truth can't. What is the truth will always remain the truth, and it's only a matter of discovery. Truth, when discovered, harmonizes itself with your reality and there is order in that part of your world. For the 'truth will set you free'. Truth really means understanding God's plan, motives, intentions for the world. God's Order.
Mantou at 7:34 PM
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Regret
There are some things,
I'd like to forget,
Like death and disappointments,
Like hurt and regrets.
When all's been said and done,
I wish I could love you.
Some things will just remain etched in your memory for a long time. It lingers on, hammering your heart with a dull pain every time you're reminded of it. You just wish you never took the road you took. But now that you have, you just wish you could look at it with fondness. Not regret. Did I mean to intentionally deal with matters of the heart so carelessly, or was it just too fragile? Can I question why someone would be so silly to cling on to something so uncertain or do I slap myself for being so heartless and such a jerk? Talk about having two sides to a coin.
You believed, that I've changed your life forever.
And you're never gonna find another somebody like me.
And you wished you had more than just a lifetime,
To give back all I've given you, and that's what you believed.
But I owe you, the sunlight in the morning,
And the nights of honest lovin',
That time can't take away.
And I owe you, more than life now, more than ever.
I know it could've been the sweetest debt,
I'll ever have to pay. - Lee Greenwood.
Disclaimer: I don't think everything in the song applies to my situation, but the general feeling is like I've been on top of a pedestal but really I don't deserve what I was given. Maybe that's why it's gone.
Mantou at 8:13 AM
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
The Journey to the Heart of Worship
I'm leading worship again this Sat. This time to a much smaller group of Mkkies, cos the leaders are away on retreat. Honestly, after the emptiness I felt after being the guitarist the previous time, I have mixed feelings being the worship leader this time around. So many things I have yet to learn, so many things I have yet to discover about the heart of worship. Why did I consent to Suz's request to take up the role then? Guess a part of me really wished for this second chance to set things right with God. A part of me, perhaps a part even I am not aware about, is praying to walk on this journey to the heart of worship. Even as I began to seek God for the answer a verse came to mind..
"Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands." 2 Tim 1:6
God gave me the gift of worship and singing and I really wanna know how to use it to glorify Him. At present I'm torn between worrying about the technical aspects of worship like transition and timing and key compatibility, and thinking about what it takes to bring out the spirit of worship in Mkkies. I'm wondering what the role of a worship leader is. Even as I began preparing for it this morn, the answer unveiled itself this way. A worship leader leads a community of believers to worship God in Spirit and Truth; being led by the Spirit and God's wisdom, he strives to remove any hindrances that would obstruct himself or fellow worshippers from drawing near to God, through prayer, sharing of the word and perhaps singing a song with such a plea. Somehow I had the notion that the purpose of worship is to give to God the praises that is due to His name, so worship should be a time solely dedicated to Him, casting our burdens aside and rejoicing in the truth that we have a Savior. So it is my guess that the worship leader needs to see the heart of worship, needs to sing of the heart of God and express the gratitude to His faithfulness. Sounds like a really tall order. Really wonder whether I'm up to it. At the end of the day either I end up glorifying God or dishonoring Him. I'm praying for a theme, a message that God wants to spread this season in Mkkaddesh. The conviction that we need in this season. God, you see within us and know the heart of hearts. I pray that you'll reveal in Your time the conviction that we need to have in our hearts, so as to turn from our stubborn ways and seek You. All this in Jesus's name, amen.
Mantou at 7:06 PM
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Rekindling an Old Passion
Wow.. Sure feels weird to be back here again.. Hmm.. Wonder what made me take up this old pastime.. A need to be heard? A niche for expression? Even as I'm typing I'm challenging myself not to be so conscious of the fact that someone else will be reading.. To the world out there, just for the record, I'm throwing caution to the wind. This is just gonna be a place for me to release my thoughts, for rationale rarely leaves me, and I doubt I'll be stepping on people's toes. How's that for a first entry?
Mantou at 12:45 AM