Saturday, September 20, 2008
The Rant
Tonight or rather this morning I'm just going to rant. Readers don't bother to read into the details too much. I won't make much sense. =)
Perhaps there really are times in your life when you just don't want to make sense. You just get sick and tired of making sense.. Or trying to make sense of circumstances. Making sense of situations to me has always been a struggle against the seemingly real possible situation I am facing and trying to look at it from all angles possible. Why has that been important? I guess it's been important cos you don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions and kick up a fuss unnecessarily.. Stay rational..
Just sent my mom to the hospital.. Been doing that a lot recently. At first the little boy in me just wanted to scream murder and make a big hoohaa about the injustice in this world and marvel at how terrible things can turn out to be. After subsequent visits the voice within is muted and replaced by a numbness that's really quite hard to describe. It's a curious mix of strength needed to alleviate already heightened stress and anxiety as well as helplessness at being at the mercy of doctors who can either be nonchalant or helpful. And reside in an environment where disclaimers are displayed everywhere that they don't deserve to be verbally or physically abused. Such signs sometimes backfire. They become what Chinese call 'dang[3] jian [4] pai [2]' or the 'emperor's signet' so that they can happily do what they want to do or rather choose to ignore what they think they should not have to handle.
Doctors, you hold tremendous powers in your hands. Lives. Big parts, small parts. Not quantifiable by metrical values. Maybe you were more focused on the prestige of being called a Dr. when you decided to study medicine. Maybe you had noble dreams but quickly realised it comes with a baggage of mess and soon regretted. Or maybe you were just plain after the payroll. Whichever the case it's time to take a raincheck man. Go figure out what this means: "You treat a disease you win or you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you win, no matter what the outcome." Patch Adams has a thing or two to teach all of us. You don't talk to a patient who's lying down from the foot of the bed! Might as well have been talking to a gravestone in a cemetery. Couldn't you take a chair and sit down by the bedside and explain stuff? A person who admits into a hospital has already been at the cruel mercies of pain and now has to be at the cruel mercies of doctors too? You don't use another patient's meal table opposite to put all your equipment to treat another patient. All that equipment looks menacing from the patient's viewpoint. Please. It's midnight and they want to sleep too. You happily disturb their peace and now even use their space? Haven't you heard of respecting the personal space of individuals? How much more do they have to give up? They already don't have much to cling to when they leave the comfort of their homes to be cared for in a foreign institute. You really don't have to make it worse for them. Here's a tip. The power you hold soon becomes unbearable if you keep trying to hold on to it. Tip the scales back the other way and you'll have balance in your life too. Respect the individual and consider the concerns of each individual. They are bound to be different. Be mindful that you are having access to very intimate and thus vulnerable areas of people's lives. The last thing they need is to have a traumatic experience instead of a therapeutic one. Release the power back to them by explaining to them what is about to happen and the rationale behind it. You may know what is medically best for them but their lives are bigger than a medical perspective.
それをチャント感慨がしなさい。
母は強いな。がんばってよね。ぜへ、きみために祈ってる。なんてゆか、みんなもうがんばりますだから、母はあきらじゃない。
Mantou at 1:57 AM
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Stubborn Love
Caught again - Your faithless friend
Don't You ever tire of hearing what a fool I've been?
Guess I should pray - But what can I say?
Oh it hurts to know the hundred times I've caused You pain
Though 'forgive me' sounds so empty when I never change
Yet You stay and say 'I love you still'
Forgiving me time and time again
It's Your stubborn love that never lets go of me
I don't understand how You can stay
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
How I long for Your - stubborn love
Funny me - Just couldn't see
Even long before I knew You, You were loving me
Sometimes I cry - You must cry too
When You see the broken promises I've made to You
I keep saying that I'll trust You though I seldom do
Yet You stay and say You love me still
Knowing someday I'll be like You
And Your stubborn love, it never lets go of me
I don't understand how You can stay
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
How I long for You - stubborn love
It's Your stubborn love that never lets go of me
I don't understand how You can stay
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
And You never let me goI believe I finally know
I can't live without Your stubborn love
Mantou at 12:22 AM