Friday, May 25, 2007
Boiling Point
Don't get me wrong.. This title may sound aggressive, but it's far from that. =) C'mon, I'm a mild guy ok.. If you don't rub me the wrong way, that is.. hehe..
Recently I've been noticing a lot of things. And that's a rare phenomenon as far as I'm concerned cos I'm usually absorbed in my own world, preoccupied with trying to make sense of it all. So today's post is gonna talk about what else I've noticed.
I've noticed that all of life's much of a distraction. A distraction that keeps one from reaching
the point. You noe, there's this song by Collin Raye that goes something like, 'If it all falls apart, I will noe deep in my heart; in this life, I was loved by you'? I really love that song, and I guess it's cos I can really relate to the heart of that song, which is letting everything else in life go and embracing the one point that matters. Lately I keep sensing this little voice in me that keeps reiterating these words: "Don't miss the point".
I believe I'm not the only one who discovered this point about not missing the point; the Teacher who wrote the book Ecclesiastus did say that everything under the sun is meaningless. Pretty depressing at first, but I guess I do understand what can be gleaned out of that. We should live life to the fullest, 'according to our lot', but we have to remember not to miss the point. What's the point? Some may ask. To me, it depends on the situation, on your journey. Wherever you are, wherever God has placed you. Ask yourself and ask God.
Cos if life is a pot of water and we are to be like teabags, then circumstances will be like fire as well as other elements that affect the tea-making process. And
the point is to wait it out for the water to reach boiling point. But till we reach boiling point, our ability to diffuse really depends on the way our teabag is made. The filter bag and the tea leaves are determined by the Teamaker. Ok. Too cheem for some.
I don't know, I just found myself coming back to this point as a conclusion to most of my decision making.
You have realized your spiritual gifts, for example. What's the point then? Just to be a good steward of the gifts you are given. It has nothing to do with character. You've converted from Catholicism to Christianity. What's the point then? I just saw a banner at my old church that says, "Life in the Spirit Seminar. We invite you to experience a personal and living relationship with Jesus." It doesn't matter if you're Christian or not in name sometimes. God's in the business of changing lives. If we only change our perspective from being doomed to redeemed but allow no further control and transformation by the Spirit I wonder what we can say when the time comes to meet Him. So point is, don't miss the point. The meeting point.
Mantou at 11:19 PM
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The joy of being a blessing
You know I'm beginning to notice a strange phenomenon. We Christians seem to have a weird sense of finding joy in the things we do. Sure, we all have our interests and passions. But there's this other faculty I don't ever recall having before I was a Christian. Who in their right or left mind would risk being hurt to bring joy to someone else?
This post, I have many things to share about this topic.
First, Mother's Day. Yes, the occasion so dreadfully mentioned a few posts back. I did go get the gift, and a card, and wrote some mushy stuff on it, and left it on the dining table, addressed to my mom. Others may think this is something very menial and not worth mentioning, but put in the context that I was hurt a gazillion times by her and it already sounds like a miracle that I make that move. In response, I get an sms that expresses her gratitude as well as a request to have meals together. I take the opportunity to invite her out for a meal at Soup Spoon, knowing she loves cream soups. All this while, at the back of my mind, I must have told myself I must be nuts, that I don't know what I'm getting myself into. But on the other hand, I know a side of me is relieved and quite happy that my gesture did make way for a reconciliation. It doesn't mean the road ahead is a bed of roses, but it does mean I keep walking in His will. And that makes me feel safe. Somehow.
Second, there's my ministry in the bowling team. A door was open for me to introduce God to them through singing worship songs and saying a short prayer before every competition. I was really scared at that notion, because this was a team that was a majority of unbelievers. To sing worship songs would mean blatantly declaring God's presence in the place aka suicide. Well it's not that bad but I seriously doubted that was a wise idea. But things made sense after a while and I did go ahead with the idea and found myself singing 'You never let go' with the kids on the first day of the competition. To cut the long story short, there were varied responses, from neutral to outright protest that it's a waste of time, to outright participating in the singing. Over the few days of competition it felt like a roller coaster ride for me, being encouraged at one point that my efforts were appreciated, and being discouraged at another when I saw a card I made for them being crumpled and unappreciated by another. And again I found myself wondering, why am I putting myself through this? Why risk getting laughed at, jeered at, rejected and hurt as an expense from blessing them with God's love? And I was laughed at, my efforts ignored and even protested against. I got the feeling that they held no regard for me as a mentor at all. But I ignored all those nagging negative thoughts and went on anyway trying to be faithful in making use of the opportunity as best as I could. I can say it paid off well, cos God opened my eyes to see one person in there who was ready to receive the good news, and answered my prayer to supernaturally intervene to ensure a glorious victory for him. More on that next time, but my point is, it's just something I find so amazing and perplexing all at the same time. Where are we getting the strength and resolve to risk our own comfort being threatened to be a blessing to others?
Sometimes it takes the form of giving up our own selfish ways. We all would not mind being a selfless person if it helps you gain recognition and reputation. That's the irony. 'I wanna be selfless cos that's culturally accepted in the Christian context', one might think. Well, the truth is it goes against our human nature to be selfless, or at least quit being selfish, and sure hurts as hell because all that's left is a trust that God will provide for you in return. And we all know how painful it is to be waiting.
Being a blessing means you give up taking centerstage, and letting God take the glory, and the blessed take the - well, blessing. The good news is we could never have been able to bless if we weren't blessed ourselves. But to him/her who has, more shall be given! So that we will keep on magnifying His glory! Awesome stuff huh? Not quite, cos it's tough to do that sometimes. Especially when being a blessing involves having to make some hard decisions that can be misunderstood. But oh well, no need for risk = no need for hope = no need for trust = no need for God = no need for living purposefully. Period.
Mantou at 11:58 PM
Friday, May 11, 2007
Blogger is working fine again!
Haha.. Just for those blogspot users out there who's been using Singnet ISP and has been getting distorted editor's page recently like me, I'm proud to tell you I humbled myself and visited the Blogger's help page and FOUND THE ANSWER!! Haha.. So I'm sharing it with you sly folks out there who read my blog but won't admit it the remedy to the problemo.. =)
Because the remedy, is the expe-ri-ence...
All you have to do, when a distorted editor's page greets you, is to go to your address bar, and type a '2' after the word, 'www' so it becomes http://www2.blogger.com/whatever your blog ID is.. Get it?? It's so simple!
Mantou at 12:07 AM
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Day My Bro Made My Day
"Funny but it seems I always wind up here with
you" - Kelly Carpenter.
Indeed it's funny how the reality of a friendship
hits you all of a sudden. And it's not exactly a
Eureka moment too. Just one of those times
you begin to truly enjoy with all abandonment
a friendship you've come to be so familiar with.
Guess it's just a moment sentimentalists like
me will notice, like the way you suddenly notice
you've grown up. I'm glad about the way this
friendship has grown.
I must make mention of a hallmark that I've
established with no one else before in my entire
life. It speaks about the way I've grown as well
as the way Royston has grown. Not to mention
that it speaks volumes about the way we've
witnessed each other's life journey.
Spontaneity. The word we've affirmed inherent in
this friendship for years now as manifested (for
lack of a better word) in the most amazing way
today. It was just something that caught my
attention about the opinions this crazy bro of
mine has.
Out of the sheer nature of our friendship, the
comment sounded like a tagline that's only
unique to him. I then came up with a crazy
idea of authoring a book that would record all
the quirky quotes that he haphazardly spills
out so frequently. So I penned down in my
notebook his comment in this way:
"Royston's Opinion on Life"
On Zen: "The belief that a human being is a
calm creature that just needs a tilam to sleep
on."
I tell you, that about cracked me up till I had
stitches! Does anyone else find it as funny?
I'm not sure, but it sure is original to me. =)
And I guess it's just the way he says it in his
signature straight-faced-but-mildly-amused-at
-his-ingenuity manner that makes it a winner.
So I will venture to collate all the quirky quotes
he has and make a book someday. I leave you
with a few teasers.
On Fame: "One way to get suitors. See William
Hung like that oso can get suitors. Just bang
here, bang there, everywhere.."
On attraction: "The worst part of me is that I attract
the wrong sex".
On lounge music: "Sounds like Kenny G on heroin,
blowing through his nose".
Someday we'll make it big huh?
Mantou at 11:28 PM
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Can't think of a title for this post
Many a nights sittin' here just a mullin' o'er the events of my life. Oh what a life it's showing itself to be..
I come home every day just wondering how I ever got through it, where the strength and wisdom comes from. Peter made sense when he replied Jesus, "Where can I go? In You we have the words of eternal life".
I come home and turn the key. I am greeted by an altar with the Nativity statues and other paraphernalia that symbolizes the Catholic faith. For nights now there have been a lit-candle in a holder that signifies an offertory to God. Today it is replaced with a cup of oil with a flaming wick. It seems to speak of the embers of faith glowing in my mom. I am encouraged and discouraged at the same time. It is a weird, indescribable feeling. I take comfort in the fact that at least my mom is prayerful. I know though that she prays to mary. That saddens me. I continue on in the dark to the kitchen and switch on the lights. The illumination greets me harshly and I see the usual envelopes on the table. None are for me today..
I'm mullin' tonight about the upcoming recruitment drive. I wonder what God wants to teach me through this event. It's the weirdest thing that up till now I have no solid inspiration to work with. Just a collation of video clips and some more to cover tomorrow. I'm brought to the point where I'm reminded this is something God has a hand in. He's been faithfully providing for many years now, not to mention pave the way for the ministry to be birthed. I'm just playing a small part in inviting others to join the race. Things have been falling into place smoothly so far. The magazine that's due today has been completed except for a few pics here and there. I gotta admit His favor's really been with me. All the interviews I arranged to be conducted have been completed.
Now what's the next move, Lord?
Mantou at 11:15 PM
Monday, May 07, 2007
Mulling Over Mother's Day...
Dum dum dee dee.. Dum dum dee dee..
Recommendation #1: Never take a walk at the mall if you know an occasion's around the corner. It can be potentially depressing.
Recommendation #2: If you have to take a walk, DO NOT enter Metro.
*sighz* Since the last outburst I have not been able to speak to my mom. And I've only seen her once. I hear her everyday through a wooden door where she coops herself in her room watching her TV serials. The last outburst was more than a month ago. It was an ugly scene. I have a dented doorknob to prove my point. Since then I come home to a dark and lightless house every night. I had wondered at one point how long I was going to live like that. That thought is lurking somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind. They come back to haunt me along with other disturbing thoughts from time to time. But I digress.
So Mother's Day this time around isn't exactly a joyous occasion. It's an awkward one. I'm plucking up the courage to ask my auntie (sorta my godmother) along to enjoy a meal together at some eating place. Some day I choose as a reason for reconciliation huh. It's not that I don't wish to have anything to do with my mom. Things just happened to cause this rift and now I don't know what to expect with this step I'm going to take (if I take it). There's fear of rejection, retaliation, manipulation, you name it, it's all there. A thousand things could happen man. And I don't know if I'm ready to handle it. And one thing's for sure, it definitely is not going to be an silent night where all's bright and calm.
I think I'll get her a gift and a note and write a few heartfelt words and invite her to respond by sitting for a meal together with my aunt as well. That seems wiser aye?
Mantou at 9:45 PM
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Life is a disease? An Interesting Conversation
*cracks knuckles* I thought I said goodbye to my blog forever, but I guess I really do want to post in here every once in a while. In fact I can't really remember why I said goodbye in the first place. It's such a nice place to be, this little world where you just pen - ok type - yours thoughts and ramblings.
So here I am once more, and this time I'm typing in paragraphs like a good student should. =) Anyway, this post is to log about the happenings in the school that I'm serving in. It's been a most interesting journey, and I must say much has been learned in my time here. I feel good standing where I am now, and it's really by the grace of God.. I've learned much about worship leading in my quiet little role as a worship leader of sorts in my prayer meetings with the mentors, I've learned much about waiting for inspiration to use media to reach out to students, and what fascinates me the most is the opportunities I get to disciple new Christians as well as to seek out seekers and make friends with them. Every day I end the day feeling a sense of fulfillment I can't really explain.
And then there's relationships! Godly ones, crazy ones, godsends, He's just leading me to build relationships with all sorts of people. I have a mentor who pours out his life into me and shares with me and guides me in my ministry as well as personal life, I have a long time buddy - the one I spend time with religiously every week, who shares a special bond with me that's hard to describe, I have a counselor who commits to seeing me through my family issues and working through the inner healing process with me, a peer accountability partner to help keep me in check in my walk with God, a cell group whom I'm getting more and more attached to, I mean where's all this coming from?? Blessings, blessings, blessings! From the Father of Lights who gives good gifts to His children.
Of course I'm not just receiving.. I like to think of it as a channel.. I receive freely so I can give freely.. I'm given the opportunity to pour my life into three disciples, and every meeting with them leaves me feeling excited for them. I mean now it's just new life kit. There's gonna be more equipping along the way and I really pray they keep growing in Christ. By the grace of God I'm also gonna start a guitar course next week with two students. Interesting catch is I will evangelize to them at the end of the course. =) Thank God for His providence. Then there's two seekers I really hope to lead them into the truth about things.. One of them loves playing pool.. Perhaps I can start from there..
The other one, he deserves a whole paragraph just dedicated to him.. Quite a fellow, this guy is.. First learned about him when he was having a talk with another of the mentors. Thought he was quite a character then already.. Speaks with an English accent and when you ask him he tells you his parents are both Singaporeans.. Doesn't it sound familiar? Haha.. Really brilliant fellow and when I met him today he was busy solving a problem for another student who didn't know how to prove that the square root of 2 is irrational. I thought I was seeing a resurrected Einstein or something. So anyway we were about to go our separate ways and I was commenting that this guy was really something and this other student of mine commented that I should hear his theory about life; to him life is a disease. I laughed it off making a smart remark that it sounds like something out of the Matrix, but he kept at it and maintained that life's a disease, going after me when I had made a move. I don't know why but I somehow had a loose tongue so we had a most interesting conversation that goes like this:
Me: No, life is not a disease.
Student: It is a disease, and an incurable one at that.
Me: Death is the disease.
He is taken aback at the sense that made.
Student: How is death a disease? It's just death.
Me: We're dying every day. But there is a cure.
Student: What's the cure?
Me: (beaming) Jesus Christ.
You must think I'm crazy here but you have to know this fella is a church goer with devoted Christian parents. He just refuses to believe.
Student: How is Jesus Christ the cure for death?
Me: He conquered death when He died on the cross.
Student: How can you conquer death by dying? When I die I'm dead. That's it.
Me: (beaming again) He resurrected Himself.
Student: How do you know he resurrected himself? You know the Bible can't be trusted cause it contradicts itself.
Me: How does it contradict itself?
Student: Well the gospels contradict themselves.
Me: They don't, they just are written in different views for different audiences.
Student: Well they give contradicting accounts of who found the tomb empty.
Me: What's the contradiction?
Student: Well (his favorite phrase) one says it was Mary who found it and another says... some shepherd or soldier I can't remember.
Me: Well, it's just a different chronology of events.
Student: (stumped) Well what are you some kind of pastor or teacher?
Me: I'm a Mentor, and we do a bit of what we call apologetics.. I gotta run but if you're interested we could talk some more next time.
Let me stop here. There's a bit more but well you get the drift. I hardly know what I was doing but on looking back it caught his attention! Soon I bumped into him again and this time I offered to do a study on the book "The Case for a Creator" by Lee Strobel with him. He seemed interested enough. God knows what kind of grave I dug myself into. But I'm excited for obvious reasons. This fella's not gonna stand against the truth if he's trying to refute it! And man one can only imagine what happens when he utterly convinced of a God who cares and loves him.
Check back soon.
Mantou at 12:05 AM