Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Flashback Post #2

Had another of those moments when you just think back upon a memory that has been etched in the recesses of your mind since your childhood. Thought I'd just earmark it. This time around it involves my brother.

The air was tense and my heart was palpitating as it would whenever trouble brewed at home. It seemed attuned to the emotional climate of the home as a barometer to the weather. Vehement shouts were exchanged between Daddy and Gor-Gor. I couldn't comprehend what they were shouting about. Not that I wasn't old enough. I just could never understand why they had to shout to get their opinions across, and I could never tell who was in the right or wrong. It only seemed wrong and dangerous that Gor-Gor was shouting back at my dad. That's a rare commodity in my home. It looked and seemed as though Gor-Gor was ready to fight back at my dad if ever he was challenged. Then it happened quick as a flash. Dad raised his hand to slap Gor-Gor but he blocked it. That infuriated my dad and he bellowed, 'ni gan dang!' (you dare to block!) Shou fang xia ni ta ma de ni! (put your hand down dammit!) ci pang ying le la! (grown up already la!) And I saw Gor-Gor's blank face steeled against my dad and his blows as his arms hung loosely at his side.

I can never forget that look in his eyes, on his face. On hindsight my brother really did try to make a stand for injustice. Unlike me, who strives for harmony at all costs, even compromise. I can still feel his hurt even now. I wonder if he can ever recover from this trauma. Ironically sometimes such events are more traumatic to the onlooker than the victim themselves. But only sometimes. I really pray he gets to meet my Healer too.

Mantou at 12:21 AM

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Monday, July 30, 2007

Happy Birthday Mom

This'd be the third post in three years, if I'm not wrong. I'm amazed every year it speaks to me. This event with my mom gets to be special just about every year. It's almost like a covenant renewal time with my God, who sent a mandate for me to go home like the prodigal son. I've learned so much, been blessed with so much, grown so much! It's just breath-taking sometimes. You know who's able to take the ugly and make it into something beautiful? My God is.

Ironically, or coincidentally as some would put it, my mom's in love with the show 'Ugly Betty'. I think she just finds the affiliation with her own name endearing. But whatever.

Anyway ya it's like amazing. There were times things during these three years were awkward, too emotional, too tense, too bitter.. Today it was none of that. It was.. nondescript? Am I using it correctly? Anyway it was blissful in that way. Just comfortable talk over a nice meal at Ajisen. Sure, some of the talk was heavy stuff. But we both have learned to manage it and I thank God for that. I guess we do tread on each other's toes from time to time. But the respect's building up.

God, if rainbows in the sky promises no more flood, then, just between You and me, birthdays with Mom must be a promise I'll never leave home again. =)

Mantou at 11:49 PM

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

walk in love | aller en amour

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." - Ephesians 4:31 - 5:2

When God speaks, I've come to learn it's best to listen and respond in obedience, regardless the outcome. The reason is simple; for the sake of continued fellowship with the Lord, continued direction from the Spirit. Just one footstep in the flesh and you'll start to lose sight of Him till He isn't there anymore. Thankfully He weighs the heart and if we continue to seek Him when He can't be found we're given the second chance to set things right with Him. The moment you humble yourself and repent is the moment He exalts you up to the place where His joy is restored. What a gracious God!

Sometimes the natural mind stubbornly wants to hold on to preconceived mindsets and just can't accept the Word of God to deal with the issue in my heart. But the quiet conviction of the Spirit has more persuasive power than any number of reasons put together. It's what keeps my heart supple and ready to be molded by God. This time I'm really facing a big obstacle, but I see the hand of God move and it's amazingly working out for the good of ALL who love Him. Not just for me. He's caused me to see the chain reaction that can happen when I start to walk in the flesh. I can't lead worship with His anointing, and that'd easily affect 35 ppl. I can't be at peace with my friends nor enjoy their companionship, I can't disciple with conviction, I can't hear His voice during lessons. And that'd easily affect my whole sphere of influence. That's bad stewardship! God forbid that! I'd rather forgive and seek forgiveness than risk making a mess out of my life.

Mantou at 9:53 PM

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The illustration | le illustration

This is the strange paradox of a Christian as I have come to know it. We are in the world, but not of the world. Dead to it, but alive in it. It doesn't want us around (world defined as people, principalities and powers who are opposed to the purposes of God), and we renounced it when we were born again. The world bound us to live according to its systems and beliefs after the Fall, our salvation introduced to us principles of His kingdom, to be lived out here on earth (Your Kingdom come, Your will be done). So the truth is we can no longer try to be significant in this world. It operates on a different system. We can only work for His significance, glory even, as He establishes His kingdom through us. We're friends of God, enemies of the world. Wanna know a piece of good news? We're on the winning side; victorious enemies. 'Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world'. Sounds familiar?

P/S: Was inspired to design this caricature when I heard this verse explained today. Hope it speaks to you too.

Mantou at 11:51 PM

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He is My Maker

He understands. He actually understands! It is only He who truly understands. I scarce can take it in to know that. =) And that He would send someone to tell me His thoughts. It's mind-blowing.

Oh, pardon me for being self-absorbed. That psalms of sort here was really cos I'm really overwhelmed by the fact that God truly cares for me and is here for me. It's different from knowing it theologically. This is relationally realistic to me. And I'm so glad I can hardly contain it. =) Thank God for His manifold mercies. Amen.

Mantou at 6:15 AM

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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

some cool quotes | quelques branché citation

Man I'm having a busy week. But it's all good. =) No time to waste, just dropping by to leave a few cool quotes I've heard lately.

" No sacrifice, no victory" - Sam Whitwiker in Transformers

" A brain dead person can still live, so the brain must not be very useful. Follow your heart!" - Unknown

Isn't it cool that you get such a biblical sounding quote in a movie like Transformers?!

Mantou at 10:58 PM

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Friday, July 06, 2007

The Mysterious | Le mystérieux

There seems to be a mysterious tagger / mysterious taggers on my blog... *puffs on pipe*

Who could it be? There should be a reason for this anonymity but for the life of me I can't figure out why...

Is it just a cheeky act? The messages left seem sincere enough, not written in an attempt to tease, ridicule or jest at me.

One pattern I can detect certainly is that the name is related to the subject of which is tagged.

As the Americans would say, that's pretty neat.

And it is also an indicator that all those tags, 'IE user, IE lover, lost and found, click me and find out', should be left by the same author. Right? Rhetorical. Right.

So who could this person be? Why remain anonymous but make comments as if to a familiar friend? Do pardon your fellow blog reader who goes by the name of Alethea but if I may be so bold as to ask the same question, 'Who are you?', would I get a straightforward answer, or an enigmatic one?

Don't get me wrong. It's perfectly fine to remain anonymous, as one can see from the replies I have authored, yet it intrigues me so..

Hence, I have a proposal. Leave a comment on this post, of which you may choose to utterly reveal who you are, or simply leave a clue to which would lead me on to deduce your identity. I will not publish the comment, till your permission is granted to do so, if ever at all. I await your comment.

Signed,
Giraffe.

P/S: Beneath all this drama mama is just a good ol' with a mischievous streak in me. =)

Mantou at 10:01 PM

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Monday, July 02, 2007

Someone believes? | quelqu'un croit?

This is probably one post that's hard to digest. Cos I can hardly comprehend it myself. I was on my way home on the train and listening to Lisa Ono and suddenly this thought caught my attention. 'I need someone to believe in me'. Just like how a music producer believes in the artiste and grooms him/her and pushes him/her to hit that note the artiste probably never thought he/she could hit.

I guess we all need someone to believe in us. It goes beyond acceptance, this belief. It's almost a celebration of the person, but a quiet one; just like a kid who owns a dog and observes its daily behavior, and one day trains it to fetch the newspaper. He'd quietly celebrate cos he kinda knew it'd be able to do it, if given the right training. I'm just gonna let this thought sink in for a while..

Cos I can't really answer the next question. Believe in me? For what? Is it to do something? To be someone? Do what? Be who? Ok so it's not just one question. I guess though God has a reason for putting this thought in me. I prayed a pretty bold prayer today. I told Him I didn't want to stay on the fringes of His will anymore, but press in to the center of His will, whatever it is. Be the way I was made. That kinda prayer's scary. You gotta be ready when you pray like that to go on a journey beyond your wildest imagination. But I guess it's one thing to just experience fragments of Him and settle for that. I'm a little sick of that.

So, could God mean I need someone who believes that I am serious about being wholly devoted to Him? A godly person who knows a genuine seeker when he sees one? I don't even know if I'm genuine. What if I were to make a bold statement as this, that there's nothing else in this life that's worth pursuing but to do His will? What if I got more excited about talking about God than to talk about the latest fashion trend or movie screening? Would I face ridicule? Chiding? Don't be so naive? Square? You can say that now cos you're on fire, just wait till you're dry? If you decide to make Christianity your obsession you'll be disillusioned, there must be a balance? Questions questions questions... Life seems to have an endless supply of that, but a shortage in demand for answers..

This brings to mind the sermon that spoke to me on Sun. It's based on Psalms 3, a psalm of David in a time when his very own son wanted to kill him and he was reduced from a king to a refugee. Here's what I remember:

Psalm 3
Save Me, O My God

A Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son.

O LORD, how many are my foes!
Many are rising against me;
many are saying of my soul,
there is no salvation for him in God.
Selah
Problem; darkness always seems imminent.

But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy hill.
Selah
Presence; in whatever circumstance, the truth is God is always there, ready to deliver you.

I lay down and slept;
I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.
I will not be afraid of many thousands of people
who have set themselves against me all around.

Peace; with knowledge that God Himself is in Sovereign control.

Arise, O LORD!
Save me, O my God!
For you strike all my enemies on the cheek;
you break the teeth of the wicked.

Plea; knowing God will answer but has yet to do so.

Salvation belongs to the LORD;
your blessing be on your people!
Selah
Praise; For a God faithful and just.

The punchline: Problems will not have the last laugh. Praise will.

Mantou at 11:16 PM

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