Friday, May 19, 2006
Verbal Diarrhoea
Did I spell it correctly? What the heck.
20.14 pm. I sit in front of the computer. Wavering in resolve.
Just finish typing an anguished entry about my dad. How do I feel?
Ok, I guess. I wanna work through these feelings, because this is what causes me to falter everytime I see him, or am reminded to pray for him.
20.18 pm. Time flies. Wavering once more in resolve.
I've come to realize how hard it is to bring to God issues really close to my heart. And to really pray about it. I find myself speechless about such issues before a Maker who knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb. But I realize that doesn't stop me from discovering the wonderful nature of God. Wait - I take that back; it does. It puts a limit on what can be transformed by Him about me. Whatever is not transform to reveal His glory stays unglorified, so it does stop me from discovering His wonderful nature. But His Words are priceless treasures and it makes me 'wise for salvation' provided I have faith and love in Jesus Christ.
20.24 pm. It's getting interesting. Wavering in resolve.
Do you conclude your case is singular, and therefore fear? It
shall be well, for no temptation hath taken you, but such as is
common to man; and God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be
tempted above that ye are able; but will also with the temptation
make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. It shall be well.
Psalm 32
Of David. A maskil. [a]
1 Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD "—
and you forgave
the guilt of my sin.
Selah
6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you
while you may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.
7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.
10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.
11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!
Mantou at 8:09 PM
Old Celebration, New Meaning Part 2
Happy Father's Day?
How ironic; role reversal. Used to be joyous Father's Days in our family. My dad was the hero and the role model. The one who'd 'secretly' allow us playtime at the amusement center as a reward for a hard day's work. The one who'd entertain my mother's babyish behavior as well as temper tantrums. The one who'd be the most charismatic person on the block as he demonstrates the wonders of the marvellous contraption called multi-purpose food processor. 'Shimono', 'Kitchen Mate', you name it, he's done it. A veteran. *feeble laughter* Life's a stage huh. Sorry Dad, curtain's drawn. Act's over. What you hid as a hideous past has finally caught up with you. Whatever you refused to conquer has finally conquered you. When will you come to your senses?!
"I don't wanna play anymore,
Not when the stakes are so high.
So before we circle round once more,
Gonna lay down,
Just lay down this PRIDE." -Corinne May
Let it go, Dad.
Mantou at 7:57 PM
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Old Celebration, New Meaning
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
This'd be the first time I'd be meaning what I say. I know she's a happy mother. Broken, but happy, cos she's got genuine love and concern showered upon her for the first time in her life. And I thank God for bringing me down this road, where the woman I once feared more than anything else in the world would come to be my friend. What a tumultuous journey we've been through! But I'd say at the end of it all I'm really proud of my mom and glad to have this relationship with her after so long. It was the weirdest feeling I got as Mother's Day drew near; I began to remember the times that we've been through and joyous occasions she's recently been so much a part of. OCS graduation day, Roses&Hello musical, and I'm amazed at how we've grown to respect each other mutually and trust and understand each other over the year or so after we've reconciled. So there we have it. One grateful son blogging about one really touched mother who woke up to a candlelit table with a bouquet of daisies and a heartfelt card.
Mantou at 6:24 PM