Friday, September 29, 2006
The Once is a Lifetime ORD Entry
I have ORD-ed! ^_^ It's gonna happen only once so definitely I'll have to log it. :p But got no time.. Haha.. SO HERE'S HOW IT'S SUMMED UP! MY COMMISSIONING DAY SONG. LOOK OUT FOR THE THANKSGIVING ENTRY SOON!"Wake Me Up When September Ends"
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends - Green Day
Mantou at 7:17 PM
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Saturday, September 23, 2006
The Hunt for...
Red October? Nah.. Recently got a copy of FIRST DEGREE, that led to a bout of websurfing to scout out possibilities of furthering my education in relation to my career as a counselor. It is a relief to know that there are many options available.The one that fascinates me the most is this website: http://www.allianzassoc.com/diploma-practical-skills-counselling.htm
Looks like I'm taking the adult learner's route of advancement. No more full time studies, which mean bye bye to campus life experiences. It's quite interesting to note that the academic possibilities in Singapore has evolved so much since the time I was in Secondary School (was that eons ago??). Back then it was either local or overseas universities, or it stops at wherever you are; JC or Poly. Nowadays people of all walks of can get proper certification for whatever field of work they are in. I mean, if I were still in that era and I'm facing financial constraints like I am today, that would mean I would have to give up all hopes of studying and begin working with the skills and knowledge I have. I'm thankful I'm able to pursue my studies without having to compromise my means of income. How's that for an entry worthy of advertising? *grins*
Mantou at 10:50 AM
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Thursday, September 21, 2006
A Sense of Betrayal
Sense of Betrayal = Sense of Foolishness + Sense of Anguish + A Stark Realization at the ugliness of the World + Sense of Being Used + Shedding of some Naivete + Building barrier to protect self.It's a very yucky feeling especially when your intention was to love another in compassion and you took the risk to basically trust someone despite knowing that person's dubious past. It's like hugging someone when you know the person possesses a knife believing that he will not stab you but in the end he did. Ouch. Pain worsens when you find out that you had unknowingly been made the accomplice of his selfish schemes. Why didn't you sense the obvious warning signs? You ask yourself. You would have stopped a person from getting his way if you had been more objective or if you had not been so personal.
Lesson learnt: When you are in a position where your decision of someone's direction affects more than just you and the other person it is important to be objective and not allow your world to become revolving around you and that person alone. For no one else can be responsible for your actions or consequences and everyone is depending on you to make a wise decision.
Honestly this is not the first time I've been betrayed. Basically it's cos I prefer to believe that the people around are good in nature; just that they are being misled. I'm beginning to realize that's a half truth, because a person is responsible for the choices he/she makes. One plays a part in allowing oneself to be misled. Time to grow up.
Mantou at 9:57 PM
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Lost Puppy
A heartwrenching sight greeted me as i entered the office this morning. My guys had brought in a lost puppy! They found it while running along the coastal route this morning. It was whimpering and shivering and oh so heartwrenching! But it was also the cutest thing I had ever seen, as it was, after all a puppy.. Wish I could have brought it home.. Instead, my chief clerk brought it home. After her usual manipulative statements of making herself sound right and everyone else wrong, that is. Anyway, had a good time cuddling it and feeding it. It just loved to lick my hands though for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.. I love puppies! Though this one, sadly will grow up looking like a dingey.Mantou at 8:55 PM
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Saturday, September 16, 2006
FlashBacks Entry #1
This is the first of my flashback entries. I believe flashbacks are an aid to discover why I am who I am today. They help me to see my responses, my behavior, circumstances and how it has affected me. Hmm.. At the rate I am going my blog should have fewer readers in time to come.. :p So here goes the flashback..I was brought back to my primary school days. I was having a school camping trip. That day we were going down to the beach to learn how to canoe. We gathered around the edge of the sea and Miss Tham was giving us an intro about canoeing. It was then that my classmates and I saw the biggest spider in our entire life. It was the size of our palms back then. The web (the size of a small corkboard) that was spun was intricate,using two beams of the canoe yard as the base, and the spider was just immaculately perched in the middle of the web. My classmates were gawking at the spider and expressing disgust and fear. I was known as an insect and amphibian lover back then. I remember having excitement mixed with an awesome fear. It was too close for comfort yet I was strangely drawn to it. I took note of the unique designs the spider had on its body; shiny green stripes around the abdomen. My friends asked me what kind of spider it was. I did a mental search in my memory bank for some fanciful name of a spider I had read about and spurted in out. I didn't think they believed me. They were nonethewiser so it was left at that. We went out to sea for our first trip out to sea. It was a sort of surfboard so our legs were in the water while we held on to then enormous looking oars. I remember I was intent on following the instructions to twist the oars before digging it in the water. It was a fun time. When we returned to shore I noticed that there was a slipper floating out at sea. It belonged to one of my classmate. I told Miss Tham about it and volunteered to go get it back, having full confidence in my life jacket and had no sense of danger. Miss Tham was influenced by the confidence in my tone. She sent me out and so i waded out to the sea to get it. I was only halfway there when I heard her telling me to swim. I continued wading, senses becoming dull. One of my classmates stripped of his jacket and started to swim there. Yes I was from ACS (All Can Swim). He started much later than me but was able to get there sooner. I remember feeling that I had been a smart aleck, putting my nose in where I shouldn't have, especially when I didn't have the ability to do so. At the same time I remember thinking that it was not wrong for me to use all I have to help a friend.
Something happened lately to remind me of this incident. I wonder what it was.
Mantou at 10:31 PM
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Friday, September 15, 2006
The Random Musing Entry
First, I'm happy with the new outlook on my desktop. ^_^ It looks very cool! All thanks to Windows Blinds! Haha.Second, I'm am getting more and more domesticated day by day.. For two consecutive days I stayed home for the most part of the day to spring clean and cook?!?! It's ridiculously therapeutic but I'm not impressed. Oh well, anything can be an act of worship unto Daddy God I guess.
Third, I signed the contract today! *sweats* It's weird up until now I've felt the peace and assurance that I will be where God wants me to be with the decision I'm making, but at the eleventh hour my heart was full of apprehensions and doubts and accusations.. "I'm just being safe! I never really wrestled with God. How about the performing arts? How about early childhood?" (first person thots too, that old devil..) Thank God for His discernment and Sovereignty. His purpose will prevail. So yeah, I will be a mentor for at the very least one year which means till Sept 30th 2007. I thank God for having come into my life 2 years ago, because that forever changed my destiny. I'll no longer do what seems right (for everything seems right to Man) but allow God to use me in the way He had intended all this while. God had some talents, and He gave them to me. He puts His trust in me to multiply them. Of course, the choice is mine.
Fourth, it's grieving to have God reveal the sorrows of His Heart. It really is quite sad to know that God, even God has done all to make sure that the blessings would bear fruit. But the bad stewardship of Man has utterly ruined His plans.
But thank God for the mercies He has, that though the plan has to be scrapped, the people aren't. And they may be scattered to the farthest ends of the earth but You will bring them back. That's Your promise, and it shall come to pass. *shakes head in bewilderment* Your faithfulness and lovingkindness is beyond understanding.
Fifth, I say again, weaknesses are for boasting. Struggles are for confessing. Let's work towards being the same person behind closed doors and in public.
Mantou at 10:53 PM
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Thursday, September 14, 2006
An old unneeded Response.. I Think?
Why do I always feel like I'm about to be criticized for a decision I made, or scolded for a thing I've done? It's time to leave this feeling behind. Perhaps I'm afraid of being judged; seems to me I can't trust people enough. Or that my weaknesses are the worst things in the world and I just deserve every criticism and doubt on my character that comes my way. It seems even absurd when I pen it down but that's really how I feel most of the time. I can't stand revealing my weaknesses or rather when I realize my weaknesses have been revealed. They always trigger an adverse reaction in me. Either I feel a great sense of defeat or a great sense of shame and grief; as if I had committed the greatest crime in the world.I've been set free from a stronghold recently. It's a victory I claim in the name of Christ. Acknowledging my weakness in that area has been the factor that helped set me free. Why? Cos the response to my acknowledgement was one of grace and acceptance. And it helped me realize that's the area most vulnerable to Mr. S.A.Tan's attacks cos it only makes sense for an enemy to attack the weakest points. I guess that's why God told Paul that His Grace was sufficient for Him; that His power is made perfect in his weakness. Paul's response to that was that he would boast then in his weaknesses.
So am I going to live life in fear of ostracision once my weaknesses are revealed or believe that God's gonna turn our weaknesses into His strengths? If I take the former choice I'd live in fear of being discovered some day. The latter will probably bring more peace. And what's more, I've lived in fear long enough. Time to take the road less travelled.
Mantou at 12:55 AM
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Saturday, September 09, 2006
A taste of true freedom
'Freedom is not found in the choices we make. It's found in the consequences of the choices'Today's worship conference was truly surprising. I was reminded of the little incident that truly changed one man's life. It was in a humble setting: bitter winter cold, small cottage. A small group of people huddled around an oil barrel converted into a mini furnace. Praising God with just a tattered bible and the words along the lines of 'ye thou be saved'. Those words hit home on one person. His name is Charles Spurgeon.
It doesn't take a lot to worship God. Yet it takes a lot to tear our eyes away from the distractions that keep us from worshipping God. Thank God that His Sovereignty and purpose will reign.
So true freedom is found or rather tasted in the consequences of your choices. Often it's choices that coincides with God's will. I prayed for someone to put off the old self and embrace the new one in which we were given in Christ. It was liberating even for myself. Let's believe in the freedom Christ won for us and stay free!
Mantou at 12:19 AM
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Thursday, September 07, 2006
The Loser Entry
Yes after all, this really isn't the first time I've lost things. I just can't practise good stewardship!! Can't stand it.. Always losing things.. Here's a list of what I've lost in the recent months itself:- Nokia 3210 (dropped in bus and alighted without realizing it)
- $200 (lent to someone stupidly trusting he would return when he's not able to)
- $70 odd (stolen in camp cos I left my wallet in the office)
- CD case full of my fave CDs including 3 which belong to my friend
- Bicycle
I'm a loser. Period.
Mantou at 1:02 AM
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Wednesday, September 06, 2006
The trouble about being a counselor by nature
I sometimes wonder what it means to be human. You know, emotions, tantrums, that side of it. Cos it seems almost alien to me. I realize somehow I have an innate mechanism that consoles me whenever something bad happens. Just like a defence mechanism. Here's an example: I lost my bicycle today. It happened in the stupidest way ever. Just proves that I can't multitask for nuts. My cellphone rang just as I was on my bike about to dismount at my destination. So I (thinking I must have looked real cool) took out my phone, answered it, and dismounted all at the same time. I subsequently parked my bike at the bike park (still on the phone) and went to the bus stop. It was only halfway through the worship conference set up that I realized I had forgotten to lock my bike. Bummer! Immediately I consoled myself saying that this is not the first time I had left it unlocked; it'll be fine. When I went to retrieve my bike, it was indeed missing. The thing that I'm most perturbed about is the fact that it took me no more than five minutes to get over it!! I told myself it was a cheap bike, it's fine, and that was it!No distress no dismay no disappointment! What in the world is wrong with me??!! It takes me too quick to get over something. Can I not abandon rational for a while and just embrace the reality of that situation and its implications? DO I EVEN HAVE TO ANALYZE THAT?
Mantou at 11:42 PM
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Sunday, September 03, 2006
Death too close to home
"Life is like a box of chocs. You never know when it'll be eaten up"Dear Daddy God,
Today You revealed to me how much you've blessed me since I pledged my allegiance. And what kind of a steward I've been of this choicest vineyard. You once told Isaiah this; that Your ways are higher than our ways and Your thots are not our thots. Indeed this is so. And once again I'm humbled at Your Greatness. I should have been judged. I should have been rebuked. But the strongest message was that You have a top notch game plan for me. That my unrepentance is stopping me from yielding as I should have. And then You speak to me even at a wake. If I were to die in the near future, would I be at peace with You?
Mantou at 1:11 AM