Thursday, September 14, 2006
An old unneeded Response.. I Think?
Why do I always feel like I'm about to be criticized for a decision I made, or scolded for a thing I've done? It's time to leave this feeling behind. Perhaps I'm afraid of being judged; seems to me I can't trust people enough. Or that my weaknesses are the worst things in the world and I just deserve every criticism and doubt on my character that comes my way. It seems even absurd when I pen it down but that's really how I feel most of the time. I can't stand revealing my weaknesses or rather when I realize my weaknesses have been revealed. They always trigger an adverse reaction in me. Either I feel a great sense of defeat or a great sense of shame and grief; as if I had committed the greatest crime in the world.
I've been set free from a stronghold recently. It's a victory I claim in the name of Christ. Acknowledging my weakness in that area has been the factor that helped set me free. Why? Cos the response to my acknowledgement was one of grace and acceptance. And it helped me realize that's the area most vulnerable to Mr. S.A.Tan's attacks cos it only makes sense for an enemy to attack the weakest points. I guess that's why God told Paul that His Grace was sufficient for Him; that His power is made perfect in his weakness. Paul's response to that was that he would boast then in his weaknesses.
So am I going to live life in fear of ostracision once my weaknesses are revealed or believe that God's gonna turn our weaknesses into His strengths? If I take the former choice I'd live in fear of being discovered some day. The latter will probably bring more peace. And what's more, I've lived in fear long enough. Time to take the road less travelled.
Mantou at 12:55 AM