Saturday, November 25, 2006

Born out of a relationship

Crickets stirring. The sound of a rifle shifting. Rustling ground sheet. Low, barely audible whispers interspersed with the cricket's monotonous melody. Everyone is in anticipation of the next thunderflash that would signify the next turnout. It had been a trying night for my company in OCS, with a record-breaking disruption of sleep via loud thunderflashes followed by ridiculous demands and commands meant to break a soldier's pride and test their mettle. I found no comfort in sleep. Propping myself up, I began the familiar routine of seeking solace amidst trials. Prayers of random honesty and infantile faith. Sometimes when words failed me (more often than not) I'd sing a song in my heart. Above all, I sought to stay acutely aware of the fact that God is near. And infinitely Sovereign...
Sometimes it's good to return to the essentials. Back to basics. Went for a swim today. Love the monotonous strokes that allows me to retreat into a reality where I can know God's voice. And my did I hear him speak today.. Verses after verses of confirmation, issues after issues as I pushed against the water in a symbolic act of pressing into His presence and submitting my will in exchange for His.. Back and forth back and forth I swam.. "What does it take to love You?" "Basic Christian discipline" was the answer. It was true. Everything that we do must be born out of relationship with Him. Else it would be self-serving and fruitless. The basic stuff like seeking solace makes me trust in a God that is unsurpassing in power and sufficiency. It's back to the inner life! They say adults miss out on the important things in life. It's true even for Christians. Plenty of legitimate reasons to shelf intimacy with God to the last priority and term it as a 'luxury'. Got important stuff to settle. Like battles to fight ya noe.. I'm a young man Christian overcoming the evil one man.. (check out 1st John) Guess what? The Messiah who wanted to save the world already did.. The world really doesn't need another one.. Or this other logic. Intimacy with God? That's like super holy Christian stuff man.. I'm just layman ya noe.. Life too messed up.. Too busy.. Been to that camp too.. Guess what.. Jesus said "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul." He didn't say "Maybe you should" or " if you can" or "Perhaps you'd like to".. If the Lord gives a commandment. it's definitely coming with the power. There's lesser and lesser middle ground to step if you haven't already noticed. Either you're on His side or not. Wake up your idea Vince..
James 4:4 (Amplified Bible)
"4You [are like] unfaithful wives [having illicit love affairs with the world and breaking your marriage vow to God]! Do you not know that being the world's friend is being God's enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of God."

Mantou at 12:48 AM

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Monday, November 20, 2006

The Letter

23-25Looking at his disciples, Jesus said, "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for people who 'have it all' to enter God's kingdom?" The disciples couldn't believe what they were hearing, but Jesus kept on: "You can't imagine how difficult. I'd say it's easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye than for the rich to get into God's kingdom."

26That set the disciples back on their heels. "Then who has any chance at all?" they asked.

27Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it."

28Peter tried another angle: "We left everything and followed you."

29-31Jesus said, "Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land—whatever—because of me and the Message will lose out. They'll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and land—but also in troubles. And then the bonus of eternal life! This is once again the Great Reversal: Many who are first will end up last, and the last first." - Mark 10:23-31, The Message

Dear Heavenly Father,

I learned about Your Holiness today and I thank You for being that way. Nothing in heaven or on earth is going to change Your Holiness. I like it that way cause there's so much stability in that. Allows me to have the confidence to follow You. Sometimes it's not about asking You whether You are with me; I think it's the other way around; You can't answer what You've already answered again and again anyway. You've already said You are surely with us even to the end of the age. So in Your Sovereignty You allowed me to see the fact that You still are God and that's just the way it is, no matter what's happening on the ground; whether I've screwed up or someone else has in Your will for me. As long as I cling to You and lean on You, You'll show me the way. Amazing is Your Grace!

Now I'm asked the question. What do You mean to say "no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land—whatever—because of me and the Message will lose out."? Is my family situation a strategic distraction by the devil so I can't be what You called me to be? I do know this isn't Your will; the way things are today. That's why I'm contending for restoration and salvation. Seems like the only answer. At the same time I realize things are getting quite tense and it's clouding up my relationship with You especially when I'm persecuted. This battle's Yours not mine right? Better stop getting personal about the things happening and strive to keep my eyes on You and draw strength from You. I can't do this myself. I need Your direction. When to pull back? When to go in?


Walking as You lead,

Vince



Mantou at 12:18 AM

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Fake Somebody Real Nobody

Many years ago I shared a hobby with my buddy; we'd watch movies at the then happening Ngee Ann poly library. Every movie we watched would remain etched in our minds and permeate from our bodies. We'd imitate and re-enact what we just watched and it'd be the topic for at the very least one week. Those were the days. Well my point is, I once watched this movie called The Talented Mr. Ripley (awesome stuff) and there was this famous quote that goes: "Jazz.. Jazz is just.. Insolent Music". Bull. Actually it was: "I'd rather be a fake somebody than a real nobody" (Now my blog title makes sense aye). Just let me rant alright it's not everytime when you find yourself alone in the house in the middle of the night. I think I'm getting soft. Used to look forward to times like these in the past. Could do just about anything. Now it only amplifies the fact that we're all under one roof living separate lives.
I find myself at the place where I'm asking myself this question tonight. Sometimes I find myself trying to be a fake somebody. Only to find myself to be a real nobody at the end of the day. When the curtain's drawn and the mask is removed and I find myself again I wonder what the act was for. Actually looking back from where I came from I'm much more comfortable being a real nobody nowadays. Cos it means I can let someone else be somebody. A Real Somebody. In me. Nowadays I'd rather give a flawed opinion that's subject to correction than a measured opinion that leaves no room for further conversation. Like opinions that would be widely agreed upon. Applauded upon. Cos truth as it's made out to be ain't really that popular. Beliefs are about as individual as fingerprints nowadays. Wondering when I get have enough confidence and security to just air my opinions without trying to be too diplomatic about it. As if everybody around me is super fragile and could crack if I made an insensitive remark. I'm too quirky in that way. Trying to be a gentleman or something you know. And talking about quirks check out this list I have. Good friends can probably point out a thousand more:
- Compelled to walk in the same rhythm as anyone walking next to me. Even when going up the stairs.
- Making guitar chords in the air from time to time. Watch my left hand when I'm alone in public. I will gnarl my fingers as though I were spastic or something.
- Possess a chest that's too puffed up for my own good. It's been the subject of ridicule among friends who couldn't care to be sensitive or 'Christ-like'.
- Possess pneumatic looking fingers.
- Possess a long neck.
- Have a buddy I hang out with almost religiously it's causing ppl to think we're more than friends. (I shall not care to elaborate the terms of reference)
The list goes on.. Love me or hate me. I honestly don't care. And I mean it.

Mantou at 11:48 PM

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Sunday, November 12, 2006

Cabe Hijau Tua: [zha bei ee jao tu-ah] Old green chilli


" 1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. " - 1 Cor 13

I can't deny I'd found a true friend. I'm sorry this story is scarred in this way. But I can't believe God caused our paths to cross for no reason. Or that the story ends here.

The greatest of these is love. It also stands as the greatest challenge to date. The weekend trip to Tanjong Balai amplifies the statement above; the greatest gift we could offer are our genuine acts and expressions of love. And it was the greatest challenge when it cannot be masked by poor substitutes like material comforts and empty promises or consolations. Yet it is so easy to offer what is often overlooked in hectic lifestyles (which is driven towards early retirement, how ironic); pure and simple human connection via time spent and companionship given. Never mind if half the time what is spoken is not understood; there is something so essential in human companionship that it's sufficient to touch the Balai folks. Someday I pray the believers there will be equipped to come over here to do outreach. They sure could teach us a thing or two about not missing out what's important in life! Not to mention the pure and simple faith they have in a living God. Didn't take much education for them to know the love of Christ, still it resides strongly in them.
As you can see, I had a blessed time! Sometimes all God requires is obedience. The rest will be added onto us who knows full well how weak we are. It didn't matter how much (or little) confidence you have in serving. Once you don't have the right spirit no lives would be touched by what you're doing. I love listing down my first time experiences! They make me realize how much God has blessed me:
- Definitely the first time I expended so much Hokkien and Teochew vocab in my entire life (I was translator la..)
- First time praying in dialect.
- Worshipping in dialect.
- Seeing a Bahasa Indon Bible
- Leading children in altar response.. In Hokkien!
- Having children repeat a dialect prayer after me (even when I said, 'Wrong, it's tend Your sheep not mine.. -_-")
- Walking along a kelong
- Seeing a man with so much determination and enthusiasm in life he isn't going to let a dystrophied leg stop him from experiencing life to the full. I will miss him and his tender heart and uninhibited demeanor.
The list is not exhaustive; shall talk more when the opportunity arrives.
So love is the essential thing. A memorable gift I got was from a sweet little girl I affectionately call Cabe Kechil (Chilli Padi). It's a simple slip of paper that says, "Jesus love you. You very love Jesus. Thanky you very much, you care me. May God bless you. Jesus love you. For: (cartoon version of me with glasses) cabe hijau tua virsent ko-ko. From: (cartoon drawing of her) cabe kechil mary"

It tugs at my heart like..! Notes make me feel loved.. This one definitely was dripping with sincerity..
If you open your eyes to see the love in the world around you, you can tell romance to take a backseat. I'm sad to have left. It felt as though I was leaving a part of my heart behind. It always hurts when that happens. And this is the second blow in a period of days. Though not as hard it still leaves me feeling poignant.
Looking back when we first started,
I never thought I'd see this day.
If only I could write the pages,
our story wouldn't end this way..






Mantou at 11:05 PM

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Friday, November 10, 2006

What a difference a day made..

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain." Phillipians 2:12-16

If you find yourself not knowing how to cry even though your insides are about to spill out, just take a walk in the rain. Just don't enter air con places after that. The chill in you will be manifested physically soon after...
It sure ain't an easy process, having God work in you to become blameless and harmless. But God's boundaries were always meant to protect those He loves. I remember the last time He came and rescued me from what was potentially harmful for me and others whom I loved. It only hurt because I was still holding on to the thing that was harmful and so He had to tear me away from it. Since then I have devoted my life to following Him, wherever He would lead me. This reminds me of a story I once heard.
Good Shepherds would know their sheep by name. They would even know which ones were likely to go astray. They'd watch and take note of the one that went astray most frequently. Once singled out, this is what they'd do. They'd leave the other sheep alone, go look for this sheep, go up to it and break its legs so it couldn't walk. Then they'd put them on their shoulders and carry it wherever they went until the sheep recovers. Then they'd put it down and discover that the sheep sticks the closest to them from them on.
" A broken and contrite heart you will not despise, O Lord."



Mantou at 8:42 PM

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

The Fruit, the Seed and the Weed

“But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your[d] works, and I will show you my faith by my[e] works.” James 2:18

I have often struggled to understand this concept of being faith-oriented versus being service-oriented. Walk with God or serve God? Let’s take the recent event as an example. Clearly Ted Haggard was serving God. Was he walking with God? I would think somewhere along the line the works became dead and faithless. Works and faith cannot be separated.

Thank God for the revelation unveiled recently. I shall attempt to explain the relationship between faith and works. As my title suggests, faith is likened to the seed of a fruit, and works the fruit of the seed. The interesting thing is, does the seed come first or the fruit come first (sounds like the chicken or egg question huh)? If I apply it to my conversion it was the fruit that came first. I took the fruit that came from someone else’s life and used it to nurture my faith. The thing is, did I take the person’s fruit and just take it to be mine? It will surely rot! There have been times in my life when I just read a book and try to emulate the lifestyle of the person and find that it dies off after a while (fruit has rot). I learned then that the only thing that you can extract out of a lesson is a seed. Don’t matter if you learned it from the Bible, a preacher, an author, or a word from God. You get a seed. Some call it belief. Others call it faith. But it’s a seed all the same. And seeds will grow in the way you nurture it to grow. “I will show you my faith by my works” This means by my fruit you can see how I’ve been nurturing my seed. Prayer, Meditating on the Word, Those who know about horticulture will know about this phenomenon called weeds. They are not planted by you, but somehow they grow along side your seed. If not removed it chokes the seed and it dies. I love planting. Did it for a good two years as a business. It taught me a lot. Now I’m in the business of horticulture again. The plant? Myself.

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” John 12:24

Mantou at 4:06 PM

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The road is long.. With many winding roads..

"You must be strong in the Lord. Stand firm, be prepared for persecution even as we reach out to your parents"

Those words were grim, but I was too grateful to even think about the weight of the meaning. I thank God for answering my prayers! He has sent me not one, but two people to help.. It was a nerve wrecking moment when I popped the question, " I'd like to know if you all are able to.. I feel that my mom needs.. I think it would do her good if someone is committed to reaching out to her.. Not just touch and go.." The following answer initially sounded grim. Uncle Peter went, "I think I will be frank and share this upfront with you," completely oblivious to the fact that my face fell at that remark, and he went on saying "It's not a matter of whether we want to or not", at this point I was bracing myself already, and he finished saying, " It's a matter of we must" . I was stunned to say the least! But really thankful that they have committed themselves to reach out to my mom. Thank God.

Mantou at 10:24 PM

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Saturday, November 04, 2006

Just a fraction of His concern

Thank God for speaking through Esther, giving me the psalm that reminds me of the Sovereignty of God. (Check out the verse on link) I will claim the promise that my help comes from the Lord who will uphold the oppressed and feed the hungry. I was given the assurance that God was many times more concerned about the situation than I was; that's why He would send me in the first place anyway. Prayed some more for my parents today. There's a breakthrough in my prayer today. Felt the burden literally being placed on me as I prayed for them, praying almost as if I myself was in their shoes. It's energy draining, but it fulfills the law of Christ; that is to bear the burdens of one another. One more thing I prayed was for the Holy Spirit to be released to touch them, to convict them, to reveal the Father's love to them. It's my belief that above all their needs it's really the touch of the Holy Spirit they need the most. That the Holy Spirit hovers over them and prevents them from further damage and leads them to the Father. I want them to be born again! I'm meeting my financial advisor on Thurs to discuss matters. Still not sure how to bring it up but I thank God she's a Christian.. Makes things much easier. Once again, God really shows His love and support and personal interest in the situation in so many ways. To those who are lending their support in prayer and encouragement, I sincerely thank God for you.

Mantou at 11:42 PM

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Friday, November 03, 2006

Putting Jigsaw Pieces together

Praise God for Reverend John Loong. Met up with him two days ago and had a heart to heart talk with him over a tim sum lunch. ^_^ There's much to learn and much to do. To cut it all short, as I shared my family's issue with him, he pointed out a few key issues that need to be tackled first. One, to protect my family's assets; the roof above our heads. At the rate my dad is going, we're headed towards losing it. I have decided to meet up with my financial advisor from Finexis to see if she has any bright ideas to provide or network to link me to. It's a shot in the dark but I'm praying for God to work through this for a breakthrough. Two, stabilize the situation on my mom's side first. Get her a job, and get her to stay in the job. That calls for some counseling, be it formal or informal. I'm meeting up with Aunt Doreen when she comes back from Shanghai. To be honest I'm not very confident about this bit cos the issues of insecurity and low self esteem really takes quite a bit to restore. Best way is for her to know the love of God, but there's no forcing it on her. It's gotta be a step by step thing. As for my dad, there's really a lot of intercession in prayer that's needed before there can be a next step to take. Thank God for another hurdle to cross. At least we're getting somewhere.

Mantou at 9:41 AM

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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Prayer is the key to the door of Promise

Day 2 since the decision to make a breakthrough. Here's an update on what's been happening since:

I resolved to 'get serious' and make the commitment to seek the Lord to find out what to do about my situation. As mentioned before, He gave me the verse Isaiah 61:1-3 and so I'm meditating on that verse for now. Praise God, because when you start to seek, He starts to show you where the answers are. As I was in the office about to do my quiet time, a book on the table caught my eye. The title literally jumped out at me. INTERCESSORY PRAYER. How apt. Incidentally, God has been prompting me recently to stand in the gap for my cell members and pray for them. I thought this book would be useful, so I borrowed it. I tell you, every Christian struggling to understand the power in their prayers should read that book! Thank God for the author Dutch Sheets (no paper jokes ya). Anyway, here's a few things that I've found to be the rema word for me this season.

Scripture with regards to interceding for my parents: Galatians 6:9

" And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Charles Spurgeon once said, 'With perseverance the snail reached Noah's Ark".

The book teaches that we play a very important part in establishing the will of God 'on earth as it is in heaven'. I don't have time to explain all that I have read but here's an excerpt from the book that explains what happens in intercession:
'When I approach the throne, He (Jesus) is always there saying something such as: "Father, Dutch is here to speak with You. He isn't coming on his own merits and righteousness, he is here based on Mine. He is here in My Name. I'm sure You remember that I've gone between You and Dutch and provided him access to You. He has a few things to ask You." "Of course I remember Son. You've made him one of Ours. Because he came through You, Dutch is always welcome here." He then looks at me and says, Come boldly to My throne of grace, Son, and make your request known" I am there asking the Father to extend mercy and bring salvation to the people of Tibet. The Father could reply, 'How can I do this? They are sinners. They worship false gods, which is really worshipping Satan. And besides, they don't even want Me to do this. They themselves have never asked.' I answer, 'Because Jesus interceded or mediated for them, Father. I am asking based on what He did. And He needs a human on earth to ask for Him because He is in heaven now. So, as He taught me, I'm asking for your Kingdom to come and Your will to be done in Tibet. I'm asking for some labourers to be sent there. I'm asking these things for Christ through Christ. And I'm asking you to do it based entirely on the redemptive work He has already done." (For comic relief the writer goes on to say, The Father replies, " Right Answer! You heard the man, Gabriel. What are you waiting for?')

I was jumping for joy when I read that, cos it really showed the perfect completion of the work on the cross and how we operate now. Not to produce reconciliation, deliverance or victory, but to release it, to distribute it. 'As the Father sent me, I also send you' John 20:21. Now let me seek God on how this is to be done.

Mantou at 12:37 AM

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