Thursday, August 16, 2007
At Bethel
At Bethel (House of God) Jacob met God. At Peniel he got confronted about the nature that was implied in his name (supplanter, deceiver). At Peniel he was given a new name. Israel.
Very often the nature within ourselves hinders us from the blessings of God, and hinders us from being a blessing to others. Worse, the nature we have hinders the intimacy we can have with God and with others.
Today I am frustrated at the way my nature disallows me to see my Heavenly Father as being tender and loving, to feel the nearness and warmth of His love. To engage in intimate conversation with my Creator and Father. The key word is engage. Sometimes it's not that I can't speak to Him. I tell Him what I can as the Spirit leads. But my ears need a whole lot of unstopping. Hearing from Him is a rarity. And often delayed from the time I am in conversation with Him; I hear Him speak to me through a word later in the day, or a verse someone shares. This should not be the case! Quiet time will become a mindless chore if it's not a time of encounter with the living God.
I got a whole lot of soul searching to do to see why I can't hear from Him when I pray. While it has been said that when you don't hear from God you trust His character, this is about intimacy with a relational God. I can't imagine how long I can go on waking up so early to seek His face in the wee hours of morning only to 'feel good' that I've done my QT. I truly give thanks to God that things have changed so much for me, but in this outburst of honesty I hope to confront the very nature I have, the mindsets I'm holding on to. Leviticus calls it 'afflicting of your soul'. Sounds harsh, but the idea is to ransack your soul to search for that which is hindering.
'For this is what my soul longs for, there's nothing I want more'
Mantou at 11:37 PM