Sunday, September 30, 2007
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
'Maybe the old songs will bring back the old times' - Barry Manilow, Old Songs.
There's just a dull ache that I can't deny when I take the time to reminisce on history as it had been for the past few months. So I decided to listen to this old song once more, and found it really said so much about what I am feeling at this point in time.
The last three months have been a really special time for me, and as with other times, you don't really notice it till it's gone. I feel like Time has given me the sly this time around and made me feel like it was going to last forever while the going was good, and now would choose to give way to Reality who has the knack of hitting you like a brick wall (one does get poetic when emo aye).
I truly got a taste of what people meant when they said they are getting mixed emotions about leaving. Thought it was always just a safe phrase to use that will not rock the boat. But this time I really felt like that! On one hand I was grateful for the incubative nature of the three months - the growth it had caused in me; on the other hand I was sad to leave the many friendships I had forged during the last three months but am afraid will wane off soon enough. On yet another hand I was moved by what God has shown me and how He has worked in me to change my heart. I was also apprehensive and anticipative of what the future held henceforth. I know for sure I had forever charted an entirely different course and can never carry on like I used to. The graduation culminated with a mission trip to Tanjong Balai. I noticed the difference in my outlook. It confirmed the impact Tung Ling had on me.
Balai leaves for another chapter altogether. I am now too tired to log it in. =) Ciao.
Mantou at 10:57 PM
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Flashback Post #3
It was 1997 and it was becoming a routine for me to be standing outside the class during lessons either because I didn't have the textbook or did not hand in my homework. This was one of the times, with a small exception I did not hand in my homework because I was not done with it. It was an English essay assignment and it didn't occur to me then that I had an avid interest of writing essays. I happily accepted the punishment having been so immune to it and went out to complete my assignment. I found such joy in weaving the story together and organizing the plot to give it just the right kind of suspense. I wish I could remember what the essay was about. In any case, I soon got back my paper having submitted it late to find that I had been given a generous mark of 30/40 to top my class in the subject. I was mildly surprised but was not too concerned about the results. I had not realized people saw a glimpse of a redemptive factor from being ostracized and started to talk more to me.
I would like to be that way sometimes. In a sense of not being too concerned with the results, but being passionate about doing what I'm doing despite the punishing circumstances. Sometimes there's a reverse effect if you pressure yourself to achieve certain results. Invest more time, energy and attention in understanding the process and the results will follow.
Mantou at 10:57 PM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
You are Special
The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.
The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.
Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.
Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots.
Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots. After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason. "He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person."
After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.
One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lucia. It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lucia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either. 'That's the way I want to be,'thought Punchinello. 'I don't want anyone's marks.' So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "every day I go see Eli."
"Eli?" "Yes, Eli. The woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him." "Why?" "Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there."
And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away. "But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out. Lucia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots. "It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli. He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name.
"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong. Punchinello stopped. "Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you." Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman. "You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.
"Of course I do. I made you." Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench. "Hmm," the maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." "I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard." "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." "You don't?"
No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots?
They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."
Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"
Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."
Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this--much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.
"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.
"I came because I met someone who had no marks."
"I know. She told me about you."
"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"
"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."
"What?"
"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."
"I'm not sure I understand."
"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground. "Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."
Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."
And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.
May all your dots fall silently to the ground, for if given by man, they matter only to other men, if given by the Gods, no one questions, the scars that make up our lives. (when given the choice, pass out stars, drop the dots in the trash.)
- Max Lucado
Mantou at 11:35 PM
Life Verses
"Now all things
are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation,
that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation." - 2 Cor 5:18-19
"So then, since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered physically for Christ, you have finished with sin.
You won’t spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God.
You have had enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy—their immorality and lust, their feasting and drunkenness and wild parties, and their terrible worship of idols." 1 Peter 4:1-3 (NLT)
I'm beginning to understand why they say the Bible is the living Word of God. Some verses just speak to me as though it were glowing and grabbing my attention (and it's not because I highlighted it). I highlight it because it seemed to glow at me.
Even in this season as I'm seeking the destiny that God has prepared for me beforehand (See Ephesians 2:1o), these verses seem to lay the foundation for leading me into His will. At this point in time it seems pretty generic but yet I feel its timeliness. In any case I believe I must live it out before I can even begin to be shown more. And I feel it's really true.
First and foremost we must understand that God has called us to be reconciled to Him, and then bear witness to a God who restores and reconciles. I remember how I first came to Christ by being told by God to reconcile with my family, and afterwards to facilitate for my parents to reconcile with each other as well as with themselves. I'm still going through the process for my family to be fully restored but much ground has been covered already. Praise God.
The latter verse seems to be a promise as well as an exhortation. We will suffer just as Christ did at one point or another (I can't deny the sufferings I have experienced myself). Yet it strangely summarizes my experience lately; I have had enough of doing the things I used to do, living like I used to, sticking to some die-hard habits and sinful behavior. It's time to get up and live! I look around me and begin to see that much remains to be done; so many have yet to get in touch with the part in them that yearns to get in touch with God. "As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain." 2 Cor 6:1. This is the follow-up verse. And I think of the many who have sowed into my life to lead me to the cross and I just got to do my part too.
Mantou at 10:16 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
It's been a while..
Yeah it's really been quite a while since I last blogged in here. Kinda missed blogging. =)
Well I must log this lesson too cos I think it's one of the most important lessons in Christianity. In many ways it's a fundamental basic, and something that I might have to revisit from time to time, no matter how matured I am in my walk. It's called brokenness.
You see, there's enough warning in the Bible about pride taking over and to 'guard your heart', to take heed that I don't fall, just when I think I'm standing in the faith. I believe it's because it's one of the greatest trap for any Christian. At any level. There's always that ol' devil.
I've been growing really close to my Heavenly Father and it's just been getting really exciting to see the many victories that have been won in many areas of my life. Yet because I have never reached this level of intimacy in my walk before, I began to think that a little compromise here and there would not matter. Especially when many responsibilities start piling in. And even more so when you start to 'notice' the lack of godliness in other people, or the newfound 'godliness' in you that's waiting and raring to go. But it's really so subtle you can hardly notice the change in you until it bears its fruit, or rather it rears its ugly head. I might as well have been the fanatic that stands by the pavement and exhorts for people to 'repent for the end is near'.
I have learnt that no spiritual fruit, or any result that is Kingdom-worthy can ever be borne out of human wisdom. And no significant change can ever result when you walk by sight and not by faith. When you get so absorbed in what you're doing that you forget who you are being. It's one of those times when you feel completely out of place (either in the presence of God or other people) that you begin to question what kind of thoughts you have been entertaining. As I brought my case before God, about why I was feeling so lousy and condemned even at this point of my walk (I wake in wee hours to do my QT and journal at night, praying and talking to my Father daily, being led by the Spirit in my ministry to others), the humbling answer comes; compromise. It's like Esau and Jacob. Compromise is always born out of a heart of ingratitude or nonchalance, as well as pride. Esau gave up his birthright just for a morsel of meat. Being judgmental instead of trusting in the sovereignty of God was another. Oh well, I could go on and on, but I guess all in all I wanna say that the Christian walk is always a balancing act - we're on a straight and narrow path. We could always swing to one extreme or the other. Pride and self exaltation waits on one end. Fear and lack of confidence waits on the other.
Yet one thing I have experienced; in all my failures as long as I come before God and seek His forgiveness, my alabaster jar breaks and His fragrance fills my life once again. He is a faithful God that does not despise a broken spirit and a contrite heart.
""Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;
but if you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword."
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken. - Isaiah 1:18-19
Mantou at 11:01 PM