Monday, October 29, 2007
Hey Mr DJ, Do the emo thing.. ( a psalm of sorts)
I am so frustrated tonight.
A talk with my cell members uncovered a can of worms.
My relationship with my dad.
I gotta admit I am so disappointed in him and am feeling so helpless about his situation that I know I can never be the one to get him out of it cos he got himself into it, and I can never change him to do what he should do as a father. I am wondering why I can't ever say thanks to him for being a good father n being supportive and doing all the things he did and that I really appreciate him.
Why do I have to say things like I forgive him for hurting me and neglecting me and making use of me and never seeing me as a son but as a tool to churn out the money that he needs to get through his debt situation and disappointing me all the time cause he could never see what I do as out of love?!
This is outrageous! I can't believe I held back so much emotions about this issue! If I hadn't taken time to ponder these things on my own (thanks be to God for providing the opportunity to blade at east coast through the night breeze.. It does something to you), I wouldn't have discovered I have a whole case against him! I wish I could tell him all of this but what's the use? He'd never understand and he'd never think he has neglected his responsibility. I mean I could say these things to him if I were the one to create him and give him life but as it is, I'm only another created being who is made by the same Creator who made my dad. And as far as I am concerned, the very notion of justice was created by Him too so who am I to question? I rest my case.
If the Creator chooses to judge with tender mercies I can only marvel at how much it takes to reach my dad. His mercies are inexhaustive and outlasts even a person's lifespan. The God of love would rather cost Himself than to infringe on a person's free will to choose to respond to His mercies. That, my friends, is why we worship Him.
Quote of the day: "When man's depravity meets God's divinity, it's a beautiful collision." -David Crowder
Mantou at 12:13 AM