Sunday, December 02, 2007
The 100th Post, The Birthday Post - The year of many firsts..
It's the 100th post! I can't believe I've been blogging for so long.. Hee..Well like I said, I didn't want to waste my monumental post on some nonsense post, so I've saved it for my birthday, and threw in a little something extra. A new outlook, as well as a song that I composed and sang. This song I wanna share with all my friends because their friendship that they freely gave to me was what made me open my eyes to see how much God has given to me. Slowly unraveling my self-protected areas, the friendships patiently offered to me in many ways helped me to see God in a wholesome way. What was in the head finally got through to a heart once barricaded against the love of God. Thus the song's melody and color. I wanna apologize if it's a earsore but do excuse the amateur voice quality. Still I wanna thank God for giving me the opportunity to record it at my friend's place. Credits to Alvin Chen for giving me this as a birthday gift.
This is indeed the year of many firsts. Readers who are patient enough do read on for a testimony of how the turning point of my life has reached a milestone here.
For as long as I can remember, due to my background (or rather to response to my circumstances), I coveted friendships and significance and tried all ways and means to get it. I tried to become popular by making a name for myself as a singer (this was way back in Sec Sch mind you), but that attempt failed miserably because fame was not a criterion in meaningful friendships. Besides, I was quickly pushed aside by someone else more capable than I was. I tried to gain sympathy from people. I figured if I was pitiful enough I could get people to care for me. My conscience went down hard on me at that time. I could never forget how hurt my friend was at my taking advantage of him. I don't think I learned my lesson fully in that light, but I also tried something else. I tried to be the nicest guy around. And that meant going the extra mile for everybody who needed help. I thought if I could achieve that probably people would be my friend cause they were "indebted" to me. The problem was that those who could truly have meaningful relationships with you would not be "indebted" to you. I was attracting the wrong crowd. There were many other things I tried but these were the major thrusts in my endeavor to win friendships and significance in people's lives. I have nothing to be proud of in my track record. But I finally reached the end of myself, and began to learn to obey God and His teaching, correcting, rebuking and convicting. It was a long process, with many falls along the way, but He was really patient with me. Most of all, He was really assuring all the way. Now that I look back, I can really agree with His word that says 'no discipline seems pleasant at the time', but the fruits that it bears are sweet to the soul.
Today, at this juncture, I can't say that it's any of my credit that I have made the kind of friendships that I've made today. It's really by the grace of God that has taught me how to live, and is still teaching me now as I'm typing. I'll never be perfect, but that puts me in the perfect position to lean on His wisdom and love as I work out the issues of life, love and friendships.
I know that in my journey I have hurt many people in many ways. It's a humbling fact. As much as possible I hope I will be forgiven by them, not so much for my sake, but for their own. But I'm not in the position to say much on that.
Still, there are also others who have seen God's love flow through from me to them. It's been my honor to be used by God for those opportunities that presented itself, and I'm glad to have found a friend in some of them whom I've helped at some point in their lives.
There are also others who have seen God's love flow through from them to me. I am eternally grateful for the step of obedience you took and for the act of love willingly done. You guys know who you are, and I know who you guys are. =) If not for you I would not get to where I am today. Special mention made to Mark Tho, Lung Wenzheng, Trina, Yoke Fong, Family in Mkkadesh Cell, TLBC Classmates, last but never least, my dear bro Royston.
Cheers to you all, here's a milestone in my life, at 24 years old.
A year of many first - first time I got what I wanted from my mom. Deuter 55 litres.
My Mentors and COR staff got me this watch! In shocking orange too. =) A blessing undeserved.
I must make mention that nothing beats a greeting from God; in my mail today of Daily Believer's Remembrance, here's the verse for today.
""From this day will I bless you." Hag 2 : 19"
Totally undeserved, but speaks volume of God's unchanging love.
Mantou at 11:05 PM