Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Honesty Policy
How should I say this? Sometimes it takes a painful heart to compel one to ponder on things that you had at one time decided to shelve aside.Tonight I just want to write. I want to write what I feel inside even though it scares me and makes me squirm and maybe even want to cry.
Nothing wise to say, nothing noteworthy to make mention of. Tonight I just am... contemplative.
I had gone for an interview as a stepping out, a venture to see if I had been called into a new stage of learning and growing as a social worker. I went away feeling strange but distracted by other commitments, and now after I have a post-interview review, I felt deflated. Yes, deflated is the word to use. Not because I was not accepted. But because I was not accepted due to a poor performance during the interview. I was giving out all the wrong signs! Deflated. Because one side of me had thought that interviews were not to be feared especially if one had been through so much group work settings and had to initiate so much leadership and facilitation in my current job. They said I was too anxious. I have to agree. This was something I had never felt before. But I was really unnerved at the whole idea of such an elaborate interview and I was overwhelmed.
Then I felt undeservingly consoled. And once again, I get the surprising support and understanding of my mother, who I had thought would use the opportunity to reiterate that I was too immature to make it. She didn't, and she even told me it's normal. I wanted to cry there and then. It seriously might have made me feel better and more justified to be disappointed if she had done what she used to do. But she didn't! I so wanted to break down then. Despite her own difficulties and challenges, she still finds her purpose in supporting me. ずっとすごくの支えいる。 I still feel on the verge of breaking down.
That's because at this moment I start to ask myself; how much do my friends and family matter to me? Because I am beginning to see that I indeed undeservingly matter quite a fair bit to the people around me. When will I quit trying to meet the bare minimum just so I stay in a safe position of non-commitment? Believe it or not, it was the interview result and reflection that made me realize this. Don't ask how I make the connections. I regret all my self-centered whims and fancies that has stopped me from being able to be a blessing to the people around me. It's a painful lesson to learn, that what I do in my own discretionary time affects the lives of people around me eventually. Wisen up man!
Mantou at 12:50 AM
2 comments
Monday, November 03, 2008
Just for laughs or lames
What did one rabbit say to the other? All I want for Christmas is no two front teeth!Ok that was pathetic. But isn't it such an amusing sight? Thanks to my loving family of Mkkadesh who decided to compliment me by likening me to a rabbit. The rabbit in question has no original name, except the one given by the owner, Bunny. He's really well-trained and is given free reign around the whole house and brought out for excursions like this from time to time, with the owner citing reasons like the house is too small for a rabbit. Now that's a responsible pet owner! In case you're wondering, the rationale for the chair is that the pets (there's a guinea pig just as cute behind the rabbit!) need a shelter of sorts to run to when they sense imminent danger.
Mantou at 11:13 PM