Monday, January 05, 2009

This is really the final post..

Oops, don't get me wrong. This is the final post for this blog. I realized as I changed my blogskin once again that it didn't need a facelift. It needed to go into cyberspace as a memoir, capturing the memories, writing style and melancholy of my last two years. For various reasons, it is difficult to add any more color to this already richly elaborate tapestry. I will continue to blog, but no longer here. =) I will send my new blog address to those whom I know have been reading my blog. Those who have been silent, pls leave a comment and leave behind your email address, and I will get back to you. Cheers to the last two years of colorful memories! 

Vincent. 

Mantou at 8:38 PM

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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Make ready your heart indeed... God speaks to even the hard of hearing

I had just spoken to my friend about preparation of the heart belonging to man, and how difficult it was to prepare your heart in the midst of all the heavy commitments.. Guess wat came into the mail this morning..

Preparations

Margaret Manning

Preparations are an integral part to Christmas. There are the baking preparations for holiday favorites, attending to holiday decorations and décor, and the anticipation of parties to celebrate the season with family and friends. We prepare our menu for Christmas day, and we shop sometimes beginning early in the fall or late summer searching for gifts and stocking stuffers for all those “wish” lists that come our way. There are preparations for church pageants and concerts and for all the many events that our churches conduct to mark the season. Before we know it, all of our preparations culminate in Christmas day, which comes and goes like a dream.


It is only fitting that this season is filled with preparations. Advent is a season of preparation for the coming of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. It is a season in which Christians are called to examine their preparations--namely, the preparation of our hearts and lives in anticipation of the coming of Jesus, first as the babe in the manger, and again as the sovereign King. The gospel of Mark even suggests that preparation is the beginning of the gospel proclamation: “The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. As it is written in Isaiah the prophet, ‘Behold I send my messenger before your face, who will prepare Your way; The voice of one crying in the wilderness, make ready the way of the Lord, make his paths straight’” (Mark 1:1-3). The Advent season bids us to examine our preparations, but not of our decorations, baking, gift purchases, or party-planning. We are called to examine our hearts and our lives: Are they prepared for the Coming King?

John’s message is one of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. His was a call to consider the preparation of our lives in light of the coming Messiah and the judgment that would follow. In anticipation of this awesome event “people from the whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem were going out to him, and were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins” (Mark 1:4-5). In the same way, as we anticipate Christ’s coming, both in the manger and in his glory, we are called to focus our preparations. How will we use this time and season? What are we really preparing for? Will we be caught up in all the preparations that our world tells us we should be caught up in? Or will we use this time to focus on Who we are preparing for? This is the season to prepare our hearts and ready our lives. Will we make room for the way of the Lord, the way of repentance and confession? Will we make these necessary preparations, even as they run counter to all the preparations we normally consider during this season? The beginning of the gospel message is that we prepare our hearts for the coming King, make ready Christ’s way, and make his paths straight.

Mantou at 10:49 AM

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Monday, December 01, 2008

Happy Birthday Indeed

What a way to mark a quarter of a century of existence! Haha. I have a lot to thank God for, but basically wanna say He's an awesome provider! All glory goes to Him. I really hope this time I can consolidate the photos and video that were taken last night and I can really do a proper post to log it in as a once-in-a-lifetime experience. =) The Vietnam trip must be given justice! I will get the photos I promise!! Haha..

Anyway, just to say a BIG THANKS to all who came last night and their well wishes! Not to mention totally awesome presents! And presence! Haha..

I can't really say much about the happenings last night without the photos, or I'd have to repeat. But I also wanna give a post on the awesome presents I got.. Haha.. This is my first time getting such presents really. Like, a helium balloon greeting! Haha.. White Chocolate Coated Strawberries! Totally awesome right?? My poly friends got me a custom made t-shirt! I'll be using a lot of exclamation marks! JOSH GROBAN CD!!! haha.. And three other CDs from different genres, totally awesome. A photo montage with personalized messages from my cell group! A GIRAFFE HAND PAINTED LAMP! GIRAFFE STATIONERY! GIRAFFE INFLATABLE! This nick is really sticking man. Haha. And a greeting card with many giraffe stickers and other stickers! Haha.. Could tell straight away it was done by a kid. =P Also, a birthday cake from Twelve Plus One Patiserrie, with brownies made to spell my name! So sweet... There were many other stuff, but essentially thoughtful gifts from true friends. I will take pictures when I can get hold of a good camera back home.

I don't think I'm raving about the gifts more than the fact that I got such interesting friends who really take time to make and get meaningful gifts that in a fun way or in a serious way speak about what we have in the friendships and how they've come to know me as. This is really a far cry from the past, when I tried to be a somebody thinking I was a nobody and basically caused people not to know me in the end. God has proved to be faithful in helping me discover myself, and teaching me to allow others to see me as myself. It may be a little thing or something taken for granted or at least taken as a given for some, but for me, it's phenomenal. So thank you, dear friends, for being you and being my friend. =)

Mantou at 11:13 PM

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Honesty Policy

How should I say this? Sometimes it takes a painful heart to compel one to ponder on things that you had at one time decided to shelve aside.

Tonight I just want to write. I want to write what I feel inside even though it scares me and makes me squirm and maybe even want to cry.

Nothing wise to say, nothing noteworthy to make mention of. Tonight I just am... contemplative.

I had gone for an interview as a stepping out, a venture to see if I had been called into a new stage of learning and growing as a social worker. I went away feeling strange but distracted by other commitments, and now after I have a post-interview review, I felt deflated. Yes, deflated is the word to use. Not because I was not accepted. But because I was not accepted due to a poor performance during the interview. I was giving out all the wrong signs! Deflated. Because one side of me had thought that interviews were not to be feared especially if one had been through so much group work settings and had to initiate so much leadership and facilitation in my current job. They said I was too anxious. I have to agree. This was something I had never felt before. But I was really unnerved at the whole idea of such an elaborate interview and I was overwhelmed.

Then I felt undeservingly consoled. And once again, I get the surprising support and understanding of my mother, who I had thought would use the opportunity to reiterate that I was too immature to make it. She didn't, and she even told me it's normal. I wanted to cry there and then. It seriously might have made me feel better and more justified to be disappointed if she had done what she used to do. But she didn't! I so wanted to break down then. Despite her own difficulties and challenges, she still finds her purpose in supporting me. ずっとすごくの支えいる。 I still feel on the verge of breaking down.

That's because at this moment I start to ask myself; how much do my friends and family matter to me? Because I am beginning to see that I indeed undeservingly matter quite a fair bit to the people around me. When will I quit trying to meet the bare minimum just so I stay in a safe position of non-commitment? Believe it or not, it was the interview result and reflection that made me realize this. Don't ask how I make the connections. I regret all my self-centered whims and fancies that has stopped me from being able to be a blessing to the people around me. It's a painful lesson to learn, that what I do in my own discretionary time affects the lives of people around me eventually. Wisen up man!

Mantou at 12:50 AM

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Monday, November 03, 2008

Just for laughs or lames

What did one rabbit say to the other? All I want for Christmas is no two front teeth!

Ok that was pathetic. But isn't it such an amusing sight? Thanks to my loving family of Mkkadesh who decided to compliment me by likening me to a rabbit. The rabbit in question has no original name, except the one given by the owner, Bunny. He's really well-trained and is given free reign around the whole house and brought out for excursions like this from time to time, with the owner citing reasons like the house is too small for a rabbit. Now that's a responsible pet owner! In case you're wondering, the rationale for the chair is that the pets (there's a guinea pig just as cute behind the rabbit!) need a shelter of sorts to run to when they sense imminent danger.

Mantou at 11:13 PM

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Saturday, October 25, 2008

The silence is broken

Hi hi.. How are you my dear readers? You know what I've never felt obliged to write something on my blog just so my readers can be updated.. But there's always this healthy tension between just blogging and blogging so others can be updated. This is called communication. It's a healthy, responsible way of being an online community member. Right?

So where have I been? I guess sometimes even I ask myself this question. Where have I been? Hmm.

Well, so much for being a responsible online community member. I'm off facebook and off friendster. I deleted it! Why, some may ask. I was even so tempted to remove my blog. It's just that I couldn't bear to leave behind two years worth of memories and let it disintegrate into wandering megabytes caching somewhere in cyberspace. You know that's why it's better to keep a proper diary that at best will have yellowed pages and faded ink over the years? If one day blogspot should fail like the Lehman Brothers all our precious memories could go kapoof just like that. But I digress.

Why the sudden urge to pull away from online communities? I think it's not really explainable by sheer logic; I just found that I was not being fair to myself or others by using these communities to 'promote' myself and show how interesting my life is to have been here or done that, or know this person or that person. It's overtaking my true personality and soon my real time interactions with others would take the same slant of thought. Figured there's more to life than just waiting for comments on your posts and pics. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against others using it. I'm just realizing that it's not working out for me. You could say I'm extreme. But I had rationally thought it out and figured it wouldn't really be much of a loss. For the friends that really matter to me I have their contacts in my phone, always possible to fix a day where we can truly meet and talk real time.

So what have I been busy with? What everybody else would be busy with I guess. Studying, working, family, church. I am nearing the end of my contract as well as my studies. This means it's time for me to possibly leave the life I've known so well. Or do I? This is the time for me to be at the crossroads of decisions once again. So much has changed in the Mentor's ministry, but it's been most interesting. And as far as bosses are concerned, I think my immediate boss is crazy. But we all seem to love him one way or another. I hope he doesn't read this.

May You increase and I decrease.
May You increase as I decrease.
May You increase I will decrease.

Amen.

Mantou at 11:02 PM

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Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Rant

Tonight or rather this morning I'm just going to rant. Readers don't bother to read into the details too much. I won't make much sense. =)

Perhaps there really are times in your life when you just don't want to make sense. You just get sick and tired of making sense.. Or trying to make sense of circumstances. Making sense of situations to me has always been a struggle against the seemingly real possible situation I am facing and trying to look at it from all angles possible. Why has that been important? I guess it's been important cos you don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions and kick up a fuss unnecessarily.. Stay rational..

Just sent my mom to the hospital.. Been doing that a lot recently. At first the little boy in me just wanted to scream murder and make a big hoohaa about the injustice in this world and marvel at how terrible things can turn out to be. After subsequent visits the voice within is muted and replaced by a numbness that's really quite hard to describe. It's a curious mix of strength needed to alleviate already heightened stress and anxiety as well as helplessness at being at the mercy of doctors who can either be nonchalant or helpful. And reside in an environment where disclaimers are displayed everywhere that they don't deserve to be verbally or physically abused. Such signs sometimes backfire. They become what Chinese call 'dang[3] jian [4] pai [2]' or the 'emperor's signet' so that they can happily do what they want to do or rather choose to ignore what they think they should not have to handle.

Doctors, you hold tremendous powers in your hands. Lives. Big parts, small parts. Not quantifiable by metrical values. Maybe you were more focused on the prestige of being called a Dr. when you decided to study medicine. Maybe you had noble dreams but quickly realised it comes with a baggage of mess and soon regretted. Or maybe you were just plain after the payroll. Whichever the case it's time to take a raincheck man. Go figure out what this means: "You treat a disease you win or you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you win, no matter what the outcome." Patch Adams has a thing or two to teach all of us. You don't talk to a patient who's lying down from the foot of the bed! Might as well have been talking to a gravestone in a cemetery. Couldn't you take a chair and sit down by the bedside and explain stuff? A person who admits into a hospital has already been at the cruel mercies of pain and now has to be at the cruel mercies of doctors too? You don't use another patient's meal table opposite to put all your equipment to treat another patient. All that equipment looks menacing from the patient's viewpoint. Please. It's midnight and they want to sleep too. You happily disturb their peace and now even use their space? Haven't you heard of respecting the personal space of individuals? How much more do they have to give up? They already don't have much to cling to when they leave the comfort of their homes to be cared for in a foreign institute. You really don't have to make it worse for them. Here's a tip. The power you hold soon becomes unbearable if you keep trying to hold on to it. Tip the scales back the other way and you'll have balance in your life too. Respect the individual and consider the concerns of each individual. They are bound to be different. Be mindful that you are having access to very intimate and thus vulnerable areas of people's lives. The last thing they need is to have a traumatic experience instead of a therapeutic one. Release the power back to them by explaining to them what is about to happen and the rationale behind it. You may know what is medically best for them but their lives are bigger than a medical perspective.


それをチャント感慨がしなさい。

母は強いな。がんばってよね。ぜへ、きみために祈ってる。なんてゆか、みんなもうがんばりますだから、母はあきらじゃない。

Mantou at 1:57 AM

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Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Stubborn Love

Caught again - Your faithless friend
Don't You ever tire of hearing what a fool I've been?
Guess I should pray - But what can I say?
Oh it hurts to know the hundred times I've caused You pain
Though 'forgive me' sounds so empty when I never change
Yet You stay and say 'I love you still'
Forgiving me time and time again

It's Your stubborn love that never lets go of me
I don't understand how You can stay
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
How I long for Your - stubborn love

Funny me - Just couldn't see
Even long before I knew You, You were loving me
Sometimes I cry - You must cry too
When You see the broken promises I've made to You
I keep saying that I'll trust You though I seldom do
Yet You stay and say You love me still
Knowing someday I'll be like You

And Your stubborn love, it never lets go of me
I don't understand how You can stay
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
How I long for You - stubborn love
It's Your stubborn love that never lets go of me
I don't understand how You can stay
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
And You never let me goI believe I finally know
I can't live without Your stubborn love

Mantou at 12:22 AM

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Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Grace-filled day

Hi dear readers!! How is everyone? I do apologize that I've been neglecting my blog for so long. =( I had not been able to seriously ponder and pen down my thoughts for such a long time due to an impossible schedule at work, school, personal ministry and of course, a thousand and one other things I chose to get distracted by. Silly me thought at certain points that I can't simply live so mechanically or efficiently and so gave myself "well-deserved" breaks, only to realize things pile up! *sigh* It's really not easy to live a balanced life on the narrow pathway aye. Where would I be if not for Your grace?

I know I owe you guys a spectacular post on my awesome Vietnam trip but I do apologize, my com died (now resurrected) and then I got busy. I am now waiting for my other traveler to pass me his thumb drive so I can stick it in my com and get the pics rolling! Too many good pics you guys can expect a deluge of posts on the trip! =)

Right, that's that and now, a quick post on what happened today. It's another first, it seems this year's surprises are in an endless supply! I took part in The Genesis Project 08! It's a Christian Songwriting Festival in case you're clueless about it. A total of no less than *counts with the fingers* uncountable figure of songwriters and bands gathered today at Paya Lebar Methodist Church to share God inspired self-penned songs. I was actually given the privilege to perform one of my songs as well! I was really thrilled as expected, but I faced the problem of finding the right people to play in my band; I had not made such connections in the past! Now I had two choices; either scour through my contacts and get a rag-tag band of sorts together or fly solo. One of the quirks of songwriting - as far as my experience tells me - is that one tends to hear the whole arrangement of the song. No band and it'll not do the song-to-be credit. It's like going to a branded shop asking for a paper bag to put your merchandise and they hand you a cheap plastic bag cos they run out of stock. You get e drift. So I had to wreck my brain and consider the schedules of everyone as well as who I would be comfortable to get to play the song. And God's grace would happen in the most unexpected place; my pianist at the workplace, my bassist I found at my Tung Ling friend's gathering, and my drummer, at the very last minute, my dear bro, Royston. I must say that even though I had not the slightest idea who to look for to join me, I considered carefully the options that was impressed upon me. As they all had completely different schedules, the next problem to overcome was how to come together to practice.

All throughout this experience I was just plagued with doubts on whether I had made the right choice of stubbornly wanting to get a band to play. Of course, on the other side I was constantly reminded to trust in God at every moment as He was the one who opened the way. I must say that this was a really faith-stretching exercise, as even up to the very minute before it was our turn to practice, there stood a chance that we would not make our appearance as a quartet (four piece band)! My dear bro was so filled with doubts he almost withdrew from playing the drums, the band layout was totally not conducive for hearing each other which was crucial cos we didn't have enough practice, my pianist was missing cos she had gone off for another appointment, it was Murphy's Law at work viciously!

You know what I learned? I learned that I can't have control of the situation as much as I thought it would be crucial to have. I learned that trust is priceless and it's not something to be taken lightly. If God has put His trust in me and asked me to do something, I can very well sabotage it by doing things my way or by doing other things that are unimportant and lose focus. Or even fail to do the things that seem mundane so it will get out of the way. And the hurt and grief that can result is really heavy even for God! Conversely, even in our doubts and lack of confidence, when we respond with trust even reluctantly, God can work wonders. It's nothing short of amazing grace, and can't be taken for granted.

The conclusion, it was a grace-filled day, it was a beautiful performance, and the four of us enjoyed it tremendously, and the listeners gave a hearty applause for the brave performance of four newbies (at least as far as the learning of the song goes).

Mantou at 8:53 PM

1 comments


Friday, July 11, 2008

When will I learn to trust You?

Hey readers.. It's me, back from the trip that was most amazing and eventful! Many things to thank God for, but I will NOT do it now.. =P Was just reading a devotional this morning and I thought it really speaks to me. Just wanna post it and hope it encourages my readers. Thanks for your comments and responses to my posts. =)

The Path to Straight
Margaret Manning

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 were some of the first Scripture verses I memorized as a child. For some reason, the words seemed to bounce with joy, energy, and a sense of lightness as I learned them. For me, these were very "happy" verses in Scripture--verses that seemed to indicate God's direct guidance for all his children down happy, straight pathways. I inferred that trusting in God's guidance would be the result of seeing the wonderful, straight pathways laid out before me that I would willingly and gladly walk on towards all my goals, desires, and dreams.

While these are still precious Scripture verses to me, I have come to understand them differently as an adult. I recognize now that trusting the Lord was easy when everything was going my way! I didn't rely on my own understanding because I didn't have to! But, when dreams began to die, life-goals went unmet, and desires dried up, I realized the challenge these verses really offer; they offered me the opportunity to learn the real meaning of "trust." "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding" took on new meaning in the face of absence, want, and unfulfillment. Real trust in the Lord is only forged out of the fires of testing--testing that reveals whether we truly trust in the Lord or in what we want the Lord to give us. In other words, do we trust the Provider, or the Provider's provisions?

In my own life, when it seemed that God withdrew the "provisions" and things stopped going my way, my plans failed, or my goals and dreams didn't materialize, I began to realize that my trust was in my own understanding of what was necessary to make my paths straight. So, as God had abandoned my plans, my test of trust began. C.S. Lewis once wrote in his marvelous book The Screwtape Letters that in order for the believer to mature in faith and trust, God must withdraw "all the supports and incentives" and "leave the creature to stand up on its own legs--to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish." He continues this thought through the character of Uncle Screwtape, the senior demon coaching his nephew Wormwood on the skills of devilry: "It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He [God] wants it to be. Only then, when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's [God's] will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."(1)

You see, when our paths are crooked we are tempted to place our trust in the things God provides. As God withdraws those supports we have the challenge of leaning on our own understanding (grasping for things), or allowing true trust in the Lord to develop and bloom (grasping for God). As we trust God even while feeling lost and abandoned to crooked, twisting, and unsafe paths, paths that we thought would lead us to our plans, dreams, and desires, only then can we follow the ever-straightening path to our heart's desire found in God alone.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." As you find yourself wandering down crooked paths of disappointment, may you find God leading you to place your trust in Him alone. As your trust grows, may you see straight paths of rest and contentment unfold before you. As you release your own understanding, may you find the Lord to be your heart's desire.

"Cos sometimes it feels like I'm a 'lost & found';
Like I know I belong but I'm yet to be found
And I'm still waiting for a Savior,
Haven't You given me Your promise?
When will I learn to trust You?
How will I truly surrender?
Lord, I'm here in my boat,
And I'm asking, 'Lord, is it You?'" - Lost and Found, Vincent Wang

Mantou at 10:54 AM

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Saturday, July 05, 2008

Final Pre Trip Post

Wassup Beautiful Ppl..

I'm now inside the Budget Terminal for the first time and waiting for my flight to take off.. The time now is 0551 hrs and I've been awake since yesterday morn 0830 hrs.. Somehow I couldn't sleep. Wait.. Not somehow. It is after my first holiday!

I gotta say I'm really excited.. Before the flight I spent the whole night at the airport cos I wanted to save on cab fare. Really budget hor. Haha. My luggage for the whole trip is only 9.5 kg! The lightest of the lot cos one was 10 and the other 11.2.. But I'm quite sure coming back will be a different story altogether. =P

First stop for me will be Ho Chi Minh, as I take a special arrangement of going to Ho Chi Minh before taking a domestic flight to Hanoi. So I get to spend a few hours at Ho Chi Minh. I shall attempt to venture out of the airport and take a look at the city or at least grab a bite but scoot back to the airport at the slightest threat of losing my way. XD

As promised, I'll blog about Sapa! My dear friends have already arranged the tours! Great to have C profiles in the DISC profile in your tour team. =) They leave no detail uncovered. So Sapa..

It's on the border of Vietnam, a countryside boasting all the charm of tranquility and calm. The countryfolk are quite a sight to see and their handicrafts have all the tradition of Vietnam infused in it. Wait for the pictures! Gotta go! Check back soon.

Cos I'm leaving on a Tiger plane.. =)

Mantou at 5:49 AM

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Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Surprised by the wisdom of humility

I know I promised to log about Sapa and Halong Bay too.. It's in the pipeline ok? =P

Tonight, I need to reflect on some things that I've said during my private prayer with God, after I heard a verse during prayer meeting today. Just for the record, for the longest time, I could not verbalise a prayer before God when alone. Some of the struggles of a guy who finds it hard to relate to God on a personal level at that degree.

But today, I went back to my knees. I went back to talking to God about what's weighing on my heart. It felt strangely peaceful. It was after I had reflect on this verse found in Matthew 15:21-28, the account of Jesus and the Canaanite woman.

And going away from there, Jesus withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon.
And behold, a woman who was a Canaanite from that district came out and, with a [loud, troublesomely urgent] cry, begged, Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is miserably and distressingly and cruelly possessed by a demon! But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, Send her away, for she is crying out after us.
He answered, I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
But she came and, kneeling, worshiped Him and kept praying, Lord, help me!
And He answered, It is not right (proper, becoming, or fair) to take the children's bread and throw it to the little dogs.
She said, Yes, Lord, yet even the little pups (little whelps) eat the crumbs that fall from their [young] masters' table.
Then Jesus answered her, O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you wish. And her daughter was cured from that moment.

Now this passage may be perplexing to many, as it is so easy to wonder why Jesus would be so mean to that Canaanite woman. But what Jesus said was culturally relevant and acceptable, even to the Canaanite woman. Israelites were supposed to inherit the land of Canaan, leaving no Canaanites in Canaan. In that sense, the Promised Land was God's inheritance for the Israelites, but somehow they did not manage to inherit it totally. So Jesus replied what was logical, in that He came to minister to the Israelites only. Ok, this is not a theological debate. In any case, this passage had a really profound impact on me. The Canaanite woman was praised for her great faith when she answered in such a wise manner.

I was humbled when I realized the truth in all that was transpiring between Jesus and the woman. Yes, the woman might have to acknowledge she isn't part of the inheritance. That she isn't learned in the ways of God and His people. But she still acknowledge that whoever she is, she still belongs to to God, the master! And that's not all, she acknowledges that however little she can get from God, mere crumbs as it were, it would still be more than the world could offer! That was what I confessed to God in my private prayer. That however unworthy we are, to receive the least of what God had to offer, it would still be more than what the world has to offer, more than what we could ever provide for ourselves! No matter how small we are in the eyes of God, it is still bigger than in the eyes of the world! Truly humbling. It leaves us no room to give excuses that we are not worthy to come into the presence of God, because doing so only means that we believe somehow we can gain more from being elsewhere. Sometimes being humbled reveals at the same time the sovereignty and wisdom of God.

Mantou at 11:40 PM

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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

In the mood for...

Hanoi!! Haha.. I am.. let me see.. 11 days away from my holiday destination and I am sooo excited! Can't blame me.. It's after all my first time going off for a holiday on my own, mountain tortoise what to do.. =P

What are we going to do at Hanoi? Well we intend backpack around three areas in the region of Hanoi. They are Sapa, Hanoi, and Halong Bay (does it ring a bell, James Bond fans?) =) As promised, by the most amazing provision of God, this year is turning out to be the year which I get to do some of the things I had set my heart on doing at the start of the year.. =) I remember posting about going overseas mid year to see a new side of life, to experience a different perspective on life. Now I'm just 11 days from being able to do it! Humble folk like me can hardly believe it is really happening.

So, what am I doing posting about my trip so prematurely? Well, basically to indulge in my fantasies and dream about what can be done over in Hanoi. Haha.. I will be posting about three places individually.


First up, Hanoi! I am so looking forward to hitting the streets of Old Quarter in Hanoi.. I've heard about the coffee, I've read about the coffee, I've seen the coffee, I've even drunk a sample of Vietnamese Coffee (courtesy of a friend who went there with a backpack courtesy of me haha)! And yes, I am definitely heading towards the Cafe that I read about from a friend's travel guide. I'll plonk down my heavy backpack, relieved to see my two backpacking mates (this will be 1.5 days after they have arrived; I join them later due to work), and celebrate sweet reunion with them over a cup of ca phe sua da, the vietnamese name for iced milk coffee. Ahhh.. It will be sweet haven...

Pictures courtesy of tripadvisor.com
Of course, there's much more to Hanoi than its coffee! There's also.. sugarcane juice!! =P My friend's guidebook claims that in summer (which is about now) they set up sugarcane kiosks along the road and we can definitely get to sip down the icy cool sap of purple sugarcane in the heat of the day.. Why are we only talking about drinks??? Oopsy daisy.. Haha.. I guess I'm a real sucker for sweet drinks.. It's a must try for me.. Top priority..
Got this info off the internet too..
The Old Quarters is an elaborate maze of (about) 36 street, each one named for the goods sold on it -- shoes, bamboo, metals, bags, herbs & spices, silks, etc. It is where old East meets West, as evident in the multi-cultural cafes that sit side by side with "pho" (noodle) houses; and in the Russian Babushka dolls displayed beside Uncle Ho paraphernelia; and where tourists from all over the world mix and mingle with the locals peddling fresh fruits, baskets and fresh flowers across their shoulders. Nestled within the Old Quarters is the Bach Ma Temple and the Vietnamese House, an old house-turned museum for visitors to see and appreciate how Vietnamese families lived back in the day. Also found there is the Sinh Cafe Travel & Tours Office and my favorite restaurant, The Green Tangerine, that opens into a charming little courtyard with a dimly-lit, romantic 2nd floor. The fig fritters, a bold and delicious appetizer, is a must-try!


The fig fritters sound so intriguing! I always thought figs were a Greek/Jewish delicacy.. Hope I find it there or even get to recognize it. Oops food again. =P Oh yes, I doubt we will be visiting the Temple, but there is a Cathedral there, and I do look forward to visiting that, if time permits.

Picture courtesy of tripadvisor.com

Being the art closet enthusiast that I am, definitely will look for interesting sights and galleries to visit. I hear there's an art gallery (or a few!) and I think it will be interesting to see. I am most intrigued by art pieces that give a provoking message using simple and bold colors and statements. T-shirts capture my attention that way too.



This art gallery is found at Nha Chung Street

I'm also avid about performances, and how can a trip to Hanoi be a trip to Hanoi without attending a water puppetry performance? After all, the art took a thousand years to master and perfect!


These are the water puppet figurines used for the performances.

Die la! Haven't go yet provide so much info le.. Come back how to post?? Haha.. I'll let tomorrow worry for itself. It sure looks like I have so much to see and do and feel and taste in Hanoi!

Mantou at 11:51 PM

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Sunday, June 22, 2008

What dreams may come..

Guess what.. I had another weird dream! Is it my diet or something? Why am I having so many weird dreams? And dreams that I can remember so vividly. Hmm.. What happened after the first dream that I had? Did the prophecy take place? I'm not even sure. In any case, I had another dream. Again, it took place in a time unknown, but with known people. This time it's my cell group bro, Wenzheng.

I was in an interest shop with him, as is typical an activity if out with him. This time, he's looking for something which in this part of the dream I do not know of. However, as he was looking around and chatting with the shop owner, my eyes averted to a cigarette pack on the rack. I had a sudden impulse to give puffing one a try, so I bought it while he was talking to another owner. I remember rationalizing that it's wrong, but Wenzheng will understand and still accept me. I then turned around, having put one cigarette in my mouth, when I turned around and saw a whole bunch of children walking towards me. When I saw that, I was dismayed and regretted putting the cigarette in my mouth. I remember thinking, I can't let the children see me smoking! It will be bad influence for them! I was about to throw it away when Wenzheng turned around and saw me, and asked me, 'what's that, a candy?' When he saw that it was a cigarette, he stormed off. I immediately threw the pack of cigarettes away, feeling good that I had done so, cos it meant I am willing to make sacrifices when I repent. And then I chased after him. I had no idea if he was angry with me or not, because he was running from shop to shop asking the owners for a particular kind of oil. I decided to help him, taking the risk that perhaps he was not angry with me, but was more anxious to find the oil, as he was intending to use it to make a sculpture for his brother. I suggested using soap, instead of oil which you need to wait for it to coagulate. I ran off to a nearby shop that I knew sold bars of soap and picked on pack to show to him. He sort of looked at it but preferred looking for the oil.

That's all that I remember. Again, it's about some feelings that I have and perhaps some fears that I have. Friends who know me know that I hate smoking, can't even stand the smell of smoke. Why the dream then? May there be an answer soon, what dreams may come..

Mantou at 11:47 PM

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I had a dream.. And I'm not Martin Luther King..

Haha.. I'll make it quick. Gotta hit the books. But I had the most perculiar experience this morning and I thought I'll just log it in. In case it gets weirder and I have no time to log it in clearly.



I had a dream, as my title says. What dream? As far as I can remember, here's how it went. It's seldom that I can remember dreams but I think this one is so weird it stuck.



I was in a chartered bus (travelling too much in buses lately?) with my Dean from Tung Ling Bible College. Apparently I was involved in an event together with her. We were on the way back, and on the bus was Dean, an elderly woman, and me.



The scene suddenly but smoothly transited to them praying for me at her house (I'm not sure, but I got the impression it's her house). Dean prayed, then the elderly woman (I had the impression that she was Dean Guek Ju's mother). As the elderly woman prayed, I witnessed something in my spirit and I felt what she was praying was so true but how could she know? Then all of a sudden she prophesied! She said, 'In one day's time (not very long hor) you will be shown / God will show you (I can't remember exactly) the source of your loneliness. Where you could not access your hurt, you will. Where you could not cry, now you will cry" As she prophesied, I felt a wave of goosebumps through my physical body (not in my dreams), and in my dreams I was on the verge of sobbing but then suddenly a little girl walked through the gate in the yard and I was distracted.

Then I awoke, highly disturbed and amazed. I had not kept in touch with my dean since I graduated so why would she be in the dream? And it felt so real I had a little difficulty distinguishing between reality and dream for a while. What does all this mean? May there be an answer soon.

Mantou at 8:42 PM

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Monday, June 02, 2008

Humbled bumped bummer...

Oh well oh well oh well.. I'm pretty well acquainted with screw ups and life's ugly consequences. That's just some of the ways I have been wired to learn life's greatest lessons from (I enrolled in the school of hard knocks since young and have yet to graduate). Still, everytime it happens, it etches itself in my memories, and makes itself known loud and clear not in one, not two, but a string of incidents to hit home the message and drive me to my knees..

So here I am again, at a familiar spot in life - humbled by life's circumstances - but yet with a differing response. Somewhat.

I feel so sorry for the people I've implicated due to my negligence this time around, and it's so wrong that they have to be at the brunt of my foolishness. Argh.. It's such a feeling of helplessness. How stupid will it be to try to salvage the situation for others when you started it yourself. I'm much more used to helping others clean up their mess. And so it's so humbling that I made a mess and others are affected by it and I wish I could do something to reverse the effects but it's so futile. There's still hope, but I really didn't have to put myself in such a precarious situation.

I find major crises and screw ups always the tool used to show me the cracks I have in my life. I have questioned the thoughts in me that condemns me such as I'm lesser than my ideals, I should have known better, I'll never learn, God is punishing you so better buck up and match up, you should have done this and that, the list goes on. I have learned that's never the point - trying to match up. But I am ashamed but at the same time amazed to say, the point is, God is showing me how to truly surrender. Or why I must truly surrender. My efforts are but futile; mediocre at best, bound to mess up at worst. And the stakes are higher than I think. Even if I didn't care about myself, I surely cared about others and they too care for me. If I don't choose God's way I'm playing into dangerous territory, and not only my life is affected,or my relationship with God, others around me too. Ministry, friendships, divine appointments, disciples. Like David's sin that caused the death of his people, so will my unsanctified self cost the lives of others.

Some may think I think too much, I make a mountain out of a molehill, or overspiritualize. But I guess only God and I know how much has happened to me in the whole picture and why it matters to me. He alone knows the condition of my heart, and how much grace and providence I need. When God says His grace is sufficient, He'll prove it somehow.

Yesterday Wee Lee my pastor's wife prayed for me. I had wondered why she kept praying against the voice of condemnation for me. I now know why. She was sent by God to show me that I needed to recognize what's been driving my behavior for so long. Today I can recognize and take steps to reject those lies. Thank God.

Mantou at 11:18 PM

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Sunday, June 01, 2008

The Picture Post!!

Camp 5, one of the largest climbing facility in Asia. Watch out for more pics.
Checking out the wall
Isn't it awesome??
Getting intimate with nature.

Ha! Long awaited rare post of pics of happenings lately.. It's been a real blessing, and in the midst of ministry there's been much fun and laughter, all of which has given way to stronger bonds with the students. This post, needless to say, is about the trip I just came back from, A trip to KL Batu Caves. Enjoy the pics! Hopefully some of my readers can come along with me on the next exciting and exhilarating encounter with nature and feel the sense of wonder and awe that I did when I met up with nature in such an intimate manner. Oh, and I must log this! One of the funniest and most memorable moment was when I was halfway up a vertical rock wall, when all of a sudden my phone rang! It was a call from my TungLing Bible college friend who had just returned from India for mission trip! So guess what I did? Hehe.. I found a good spot on the wall, and good naturedly picked up the phone call! What a way to answer a call man! You should try it one day! =P Wait for that classic moment caught on an SLR camera. Coming attractions on my blog.. =)

Mantou at 10:56 PM

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

How daft we must be..

Our Father the Weaver
Ravi Zacharias

Some years ago, I was visiting a place known for making the best wedding saris in the world. They were the producers of saris rich in gold and silver threads, resplendent with an array of colors. With such intricacy of product, I expected to see some elaborate system of machines that would boggle the mind in production. But this image could not have been farther from the real scene.

Each sari was made individually by a father and son team. The father sat above the son on a platform, surrounded by several spools of thread that he would gather into his fingers. The son had only one task. At a nod from his father, he would move the shuttle from one side to the other and back again. This would then be repeated for hundreds of hours, until a magnificent pattern began to emerge. The son certainly had the easier task. He was only to move at the father's nod. But making use of these efforts, the father was working to an intricate end. All along, he had the design in his mind and was bringing the right threads together.

The more I reflect on my own life and study the lives of others, I am fascinated to see the design God has for each one of us individually, if we would only respond. All through our days, little reminders show the threads that God has woven into our lives. Allow me to share a story from my own experience. As one searching for meaning in the throes of a turbulent adolescence, I found myself on a hospital bed from an attempted suicide. It was there that I was read the 14th chapter of John's Gospel. My attention was fully captured by the part where Jesus says to his disciples: "Because I live, you shall live also" (John 14:19). I turned my life over to Christ that day, committing my pains, struggles, and pursuits to his able hands.

Almost 30 years to the day after this decision, my wife and I were visiting India and decided to visit my grandmother's grave. With the help of a gardener we walked through the accumulated weeds and rubble until we found the stone marking her grave. With his bucket of water and a small brush, the gardener cleared off the years of caked-on dirt. To our utter surprise, under her name, a verse gradually appeared. My wife clasped my hand and said, "Look at the verse!" It read: "Because I live, you shall live also." A purposeful design emerges when the Father weaves a pattern from what to us may often seem disparate threads. Even today, if you will stop and attend to it, you will see that God is seeking to weave a beautiful tapestry in your life

Mantou at 10:21 PM

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

If you thought faith was for the faint-hearted..

Abandoned Fortresses
Margaret Manning

Have you ever experienced the dissonance that comes from the contradiction of your personal experience and your beliefs? What do you do, for example, when you've believed that God always heals, and yet you watch helplessly as your mother dies of cancer? How do you affirm God's love to a woman who was abused as a young girl? What do you feel when you've been told that God has a wonderful plan for your life, and yet you can't square that wonderful plan with a series of professional and personal failures? If you're like me, the fortress of beliefs you thought were impenetrable come crashing down as life experience smashes that fortress like a battering ram. In the aftermath, the alternative shelters of cynical doubt or blind faith beckon you to take your refuge with them.

For most of us, we run perilously between both extremes, without the sense of security that the fortress once provided. The Bible is replete with stories about individuals who faced the difficult conflict between what they held to be the truth and what they experienced in their lives. Think of the patriarch Joseph. He was told by God through a sequence of dreams that he would be great one day--so great, in fact that his own brothers would come and bow down in reverence for him. He had been given a glimpse of his destiny, and perhaps he believed his path to that destiny would be paved with gold. Instead, his gilded trip to glory yielded an attempted murder by his own brothers, his enslavement in a foreign land, and much of his life spent in and out of prison falsely accused of various crimes he did not commit. How could this be the path to glory God promised to provide for Joseph? Joseph's beliefs in a God who loved him and had compassion on him were now being challenged by God's demonstration of his compassionate care. Sitting in his jail cell, I'm sure Joseph wrestled with his ideas about God's loving care.

Despite the contradiction between his life experience and what he thought he knew about God, Joseph ultimately affirmed that God is good and trustworthy. How did he arrive at this? I would suggest that as Joseph (like his father, Jacob) wrestled with God, God gave him a new perspective and a deeper understanding of his love for him. But that new perspective is not lightly gained. Noted author and pastor Craig Barnes poignantly describes the emergence of new perspectives as the very process of conversion: "The deep fear behind every loss is that we have been abandoned by the God who should have saved us. The transforming moment in Christian conversion comes when we realize that even God has left us.

We then discover it was not God, but our image of God that abandoned us.... Only then is change possible." Indeed, Joseph eventually reveals his new perspective to his brothers who betrayed him; "As for you, you meant evil against me but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive" (Genesis 50:20). This is no biblical cliché. Joseph did witness God's intervention and love. But not at all in the way he expected. And neither has God promised to make our lives go as we plan. But instead, God promises to give us the necessary new perspective to see his goodness and grace in the midst of our abandoned expectations.

Mantou at 5:06 PM

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Thursday, May 08, 2008

Time for laughs

EVER WONDER...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'! ?

Wh y is 'abbreviate d' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do cows fly on GoofyAuctions.com but the cheese is green?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don! 't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: (I didn't write the stuff in the parenthesis)

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap! :
'Directions: Use like regular soap.' (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
'Serving suggestion: Defrost.' (but, it's 'just' a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
'Do not turn upside down.' (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
'Product will be hot after heating.' (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
'Do not iron clothes on body.' (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.' (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
'Warning: May cause drowsiness.' (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)!

On most brands of Christmas lights:
'For indoor or outdoor use only.' (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
'Not to be used for the other use.' (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
'Warning: contains nuts.' (talk about a news fl ash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.' (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.' (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.' (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On T-Rat (Military food):!
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Us e only... (Umnn yeah... isn't military also human)

Mantou at 9:29 PM

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

God is good indeed

Hehe.. I have practically a few hours left to complete my assignment and here I am blogging.. *tsk tsk* Naughty notty. But I absolutely have got to blog about this. There are just some days that when you leave it to another day to blog, it just feels different. In fact, there are no more feelings left. I'm not an advocate of acting on your feelings, but this is more about capturing a moment in its purest or rawest.

Yea, God's just able to prepare us for trials ahead with His still small voice. Somehow this idea popped out of nowhere today, and boy did it sustain me or did it sustain me. 'For every piece of bad news I hear, I must strive to hear two pieces of good news'. I thought it was a radical idea, and pondered what it meant. But soon my day turned out to prove that maxim true. I awoke to find a verse sent by a friend in my phone to encourage me about an issue I had been struggling with lately. I claimed the good news by faith. Then I got to work and found someone scolding me anonymously. Haha. Bad news. I was thrown off balance for a while. But I went over to school and wondered how I could face the students feeling the way I did. I bumped into a colleague and soon decided to go to the POP Cafe for a drink. We had a good talk there, not about being scolded but I felt better. Soon I bumped into students with an opportunity to build rapport with. I was ready! Then after lunch hour my colleague called me telling me there was a distress call by a student. I had to go over immediately to assess the situation. It was an issue of relational problems. It was quite a tricky one, and I found myself reminded of some other students also facing similar issues, to which I had no clear insights to offer. It kinda reinforced my hopelessness in dealing with that issue. Began to see the tough side of being a counselor. But as I began to work on my assignment I felt empowered and saw the importance of distinguishing between giving advice and advocating change. Good news. Then another of my friend called me with a distress call and it was a real challenge to stay objective and non-judgmental. In any case, it was bad news to hear my dear friend not coping well. I felt so helpless being unable to share anything that bore weight enough to influence change in the situation. But I soon talked to my other friend and began to untie hidden knots in my own heart. Then during prayer meeting a song was sung that really spoke to my situation and I was able to praise God again. At the end of prayer meeting, Canon broke the news about the death of a sister of my fellow Psalmist. It shook me quite a bit. We prayed with a heavy heart, but still thanked God for bringing her home. Then on my way home I saw a beautiful cat by the pavement. I gave a few clicks with my tongue and approached cautiously. It received me surprisingly well and as I stroked its fur it turned its head and licked my hand! It was so heartwarming. God knows cats have comforted me since primary school. Soon after that I got a pleasant piece of news about a friend's birthday present. It's the little things in life that leave big footprints in our hearts. My point is not to substitute the good news for the bad. My point is to give equal attention to both. Sometimes we are only affected by bad news, and that soon promotes negativity as a way of life. We can be affected by bad news, but when good news comes along, it just might be God's way of telling us, He's still in control. If you think about it carefully, death had lost its sting when Christ died for our sins. And bad news always denotes death or imminent death of some kind; of our dreams, goals, little wants, big wants, relationships, something dear to us. If death has lost its sting and Christ has the final victory, I personally believe it's only right to have more good news going around than we give credit for.

Mantou at 10:43 PM

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

You got me thinking..

God has this interesting way of getting us started on thinking about the things that really matter, to Him concerning us. Only His mercy could have paved the way for repeated warnings, revelations and exhortations. It is really true that as we continue to search for Him in all that we do - that is, we continue to make sense of everything that is happening around us from His perspective; regardless of how many times we hit brick walls - we will find Him. A lot of people will mistake that making sense of circumstances for disillusionment. I too fell prey to that many times. But as I continue to hit brick walls, God's faithfulness patiently produced in me discernment between the two in my own life. Disillusionment happened in two ways for me. In my bid to make sense of things and see how God fits into the whole picture, I jumped to conclusions based on common teachings and assumptions of Christianity. For example, when my girlfriend broke up with me shortly after I became a Christian, in order to cope with the loss, I spiritualized the happenings and rationalized that God had closed the door on an unhealthy relationship. In order words, I used God to cushion the effects of the loss. Disillusionment also swung to the other extreme for me; that I thought making sense of everything from His perspective was naive; that doing that was being disillusioned.

There is a point when you swing to both extremes so much that you will come full circle and find yourself back where God intended you to get to in the first place. So now I'm back again to considering with God things that really matter to Him concerning me. My views on my family, relationships, financial matters, ministry and how it can bring glory to Him. And it just happened through a series of events: Sunday's sermon, a book I had put aside for the longest time, and daily QT that seemed to speak so relevantly to my situations. His Word is alive and brings life. And His mercy endureth forever. A God of mercy must first have the power to judge righteously before being able to display mercy or mercy would just be a sign of weakness.

Whoa. This post is super preachy. Don't get it wrong. I'm not preaching to my readers but to myself. But I am sharing what I'm preaching to myself to my readers. =) I read this book by John Piper called 'Battling Unbelief' and I like what he wrote about fighting the good fight.

"The great error that I am trying to explode is the error that says, "Faith in God is one thing and the fight for holiness is another thing. You get your justification by faith, and you get your sanctification by works. You start the Christian life in the power of the Spirit, you press on in the efforts of the flesh. The battle for obedience is optional because only faith is necessary for final salvation" ... Faith alone is the instrument that unites us to Christ who is our righteousness and the ground of our justification. But the purity of life that confirms faith's reality is also essential for final salvation, not as the ground for our right standing, but as the fruit and evidence that we are vitally united by faith to Christ who alone is the ground of our acceptance with God."

Lastly, a story from a friend that I thought was so true..

Several years ago, a preacher from out-of-state accepted a call to a
church in Houston , Texas . Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion
to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat
down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a
quarter too much change.
As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, "You'd
better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it." Then he
thought, "Oh, forget it, it's only a quarter. Who would worry
about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare;
they will never miss it. Accept it as a 'gift from God' and keep
quiet."

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then
he handed the quarter to the driver and said, "Here, you gave me too much change."
The driver, with a smile, replied, "Aren't you the new preacher
in town?"

"Yes" he replied.

"Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere
to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you
too much change. I'll see you at church on Sunday."

When the preacher stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed
the nearest light pole, held on, and said, "Oh God, I almost sold
your Son for a quarter."

Our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read. This is
a really scary example of how much people watch us as Christians,
and will put us to the test! Always be on guard -- and remember --

You carry the name of Christ on your shoulders when you call yourself "Christian."

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Mantou at 11:42 PM

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Sunday, April 27, 2008

Are there opposites for everything under the sun?

Just wondering about this question as I look back on the day's events. Perhaps the highlight of it was a two second event that led to me thinking about how much life has changed since then. That, my friends, is the power of nostalgia. All that was needed was a glance at a place that bore so much significance yet looked so nondescript. Get the idea? Is the opposite of significance, nondescript? Is the opposite of nostalgia something else? In any case, before the habit of digression gets the better of me, I passed by a place today. Here's what it looks like.


As you can see, it really doesn't look like anything significant. But it was at that very spot (the platform between the stairs) that I trembled and shivered uncontrollably after having been slain and ministered to by the Spirit. This the stairway that leads to and from what was then known as FCBC, now known as Touch Community Services. At that moment, I pondered about what I was doing with my life, and suddenly the thought that had seemed so impossible for so long seemed so feasible; going home. All that I had been going through for the past eleven months away from home had suddenly seemed so futile and redundant. If ever there was a way to experience how the prodigal son felt away from home, this had to be it for me. The memory of it is still as fresh as though it had just happened yesterday. Truth be told, this happened four years ago. Since then, life has never been the same for me. Ironically, where I sought to escape a life that was deemed to be so unbearable and determined to make life never the same again, I had failed miserably and gained nothing but needless pain. When I thought going home meant going back to same oppressive environment, I couldn't have been farther from the truth. The rest is history. Or His Story. And only a God that was so powerful yet more involved in our lives than we could ever imagine would or could be responsible for such orchestration of events. I know I made a mess of His plans for me and my family. In some ways, I still am messing up. Somehow, in some mysterious way, the Beautiful Weaver would still be able to make a tapestry out of it too wonderful to behold.

" But the harder I try the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall and the weight of it all
And so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean" David Crowder, Wholly Yours.

"Get out of the way, a revival's coming,
Get out, be on your way, our Redeemer's coming
Let's empty ourselves of ourselves, and let the Spirit fill our lamps" Vincent Wang, Out of the way.

Mantou at 10:10 PM

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Saturday, April 26, 2008

From my devotion.. So true..

Writes Lewis, "If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philosophical importance."(1) He goes on to explain the ideologies that grow out of subtle shifts of language. The positive answer requires a perspective that looks outward at others--those who are the recipients of the virtue or else the one from whom this virtue arises in the first place--whereas the negative virtue shows that our concern is primarily with ourselves--our own self-denial--and hence the appearance of good virtue.

Mantou at 10:29 AM

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Random Recollections

I find funny things lurking about in my cobweb of memories. Here's just how it looks like. I had a friend once in primary school. His name is Tarvin. He is North Indian. The best way to remember him by is his hooked nose that seemed to be made of rubber, which he loved to push upwards with his palm from time to time. I remember thinking in my young mind if that made it hook more. He was a really sincere fella, even at that age of seven or eight. I remember confiding in him my belief that I had step-parents. That poor guy drank in every word I said about that issue! When asked by a teacher about things happening at home, he helped me to answer, reciting what I said, word for word! Of course, he was also the one that got me into trouble even though he wanted to help. Haha. He must have learned a big lesson on trust back then. I had lied about my situation in order to explain away my naughty behavior. Of course there was more truth in what I said than anyone could believe in the way I was treated, but the fact that I lied made me lost all credibility. Haiz. I learned a big lesson on credibility that day too.

Mantou at 11:25 PM

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Sunday, April 20, 2008

The thanksgiving post

I finally got my results back.. *phew* It's been a cruel wait I tell you.. Here's why.. For this module, I did well for my first assignment, though I could have done better if I had bothered to end my essay with a conclusion. Haha. Then for the second assignment, I spent three nights in the National Library researching and referencing.. And the results took forever to be released as opposed to the first one. When I got that back, I was really happy too cos it was a tough assignment but I managed to do above the class average. Then came the exam, and it was really such a letdown because it looked so tough.. And I didn't even manage to answer the last question properly because I didn't manage to study that part. I had to rely on my own experience in counseling to answer that one. I thought that on the overall, with two assignments doing well and the exam not so well it would have just given me a decent grade.. But as God would graciously have it, I did well for all three! It's really amazing. I look back now, considering the demands of staying committed to both my job and my studies, and think that it must have been a really good dose of God's amazing grace. And thank God for all He's done. He's the best and beats the rest hands down. =)

As a wave offering, here are the results:
1st Assignment: 15.5 / 20
2nd Assignment: 23 / 30
Exam: 41 / 50! this is the most surprising.. It was only two hours given for the paper so had to scramble to make the most of the time given to answer 4 essay questions. Praise God.
Overall Grade: 79.5 / 100 (Another half mark to high distinction)

Mantou at 9:06 PM

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

Song Writing Machine + a Back Log of my Blog

That's what my colleague called me today. =) It's kinda funny. I have never written so many songs in such a short spate of time before. It may be old news for some already, but I really wanna log this down just for future reference. Since I graduated from Tung Ling Bible College last Sept, where I was first inspired to write a song to log my experience with God thus far, I have written another grand total of 6 songs! That brings my repertoire to a total of 9 songs! Each with its own unique flavor and story to tell, right down to the kind of rhythm and style. I realized I can't really publish my lyrics and all cos it wouldn't make sense, and it might just be copyrighted by someone else someday! Haha.. But titles are pretty safe, so here's a list of it, from most recent:

- Out Of The Way
- Now You Live (initially it was called Wild Goose Chase)
- A New Voice
- You Desire
- A House Of Cards
- A Touch Of Grace
- You Gave Your All
- Radical?
- You Are God (你是主)

Haha.. Actually it still doesn't make sense to my readers hor.. Anyway, I realized then that this is really a work of God in my life, just to tide me through this time as a testimony that He is real and that He cares. I hope to share it to people someday, but I pray that the platform that God provides is really for an audience that will be there by divine appointment. If not it would just be a music critique session. May the songs that God used to speak to me speak to others too.

Ok so what's been happening to me? Most of my life has been kept away from the public eye lately huh.. Haha.. So sorry readers. A combination of lack of time, fatigue, closer personal friendships that require genuine sharing and exclusivity has contributed to a lack of personal voice in my blog lately. But life's been pretty exciting lately! Most of you know this already, but just to log it down in my good old fashioned way, I had bought a guitar again this year! What happened to my old one? I gave it away last year to a Sri Lankan classmate from Tung Ling. I know it's being utilized to the best of its ability right now. But I am absolutely in love with my new guitar! I even named it! Ladies and gentlemen, meet Nodame (ノダメ), my ever faithful 'wife' who's been my worthy companion in my songwriting endeavors. The tone produced is so pear-shaped and nice that it just inspires the songs to flow.

Ok the picture doesn't really justify its lustre and all but it really is quite close to the real thing and I'm afraid you'll have to settle for it unless you know me personally. It's recently been fitted with the world-renown pickup system, B-Band, complete with in-built tuner! Boasting high definition Elixir Strings, it really is set to blow the audience away with its perfect tones (Beauty is in the eye of the beholder aye. In this case, it's also in the ears).

What else rocks in my life? Hmm.. Close chumships (apparently 'cheem' english for same gender friendships), been watching wonderful movies like the one I just blogged about, still looking forward to that mid-year trip I mentioned earlier. We gotta sit down and plan this one guys!

What's not so rock but more rocky? Hmm.. When there's a lesson to learn I usually reflect on it and it becomes a song. So until I manage to hold some sort of testimonial concert, it's staying as a song filed in my folder. =) All the best to you exam mugger buggers!

Mantou at 12:57 AM

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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Whoa whoa yeah yeah..

Haha.. Bring it on! Changes in dynamics at the workplace always resonates through my senses.. I can almost sense the stress and sharp contention that's gonna happen tingle through my skin. Eleventh hour requests that sound like demands, frantic scrambles to put together a program without any inkling what it's supposed to be like; headless chickens are gonna be running all over the place tomorrow! *somewhere far away a cricket creaks*...

Tell me how "do not be anxious but in anything and EVERYTHING, present your requests to God through prayer and petition, with supplication and thanksgiving" is supposed to play out in a situation like this. God just has this thing about letting the odds stack up against Him and coming through in a way only He can.

For the first time in a long long time, we're supposed to plan a welcome tea for those who responded during last week's event. And eventually it'll branch out into weekly sessions to facilitate growth as a believer. Wow. I like the sound of it. But at such short notice? What's the expectation for us then? Was it because we were supposed to do something like that but it was overlooked? Was it because we had a different idea of what works and what doesn't? Was it because from previous experience this works so let's make it happen while the iron is still hot? Perhaps some opportunities can't afford to be lost. This means a sacrifice on our side. I hope this brings the team together to work hand in hand to get something going. Prayer really is the key at this point. I like to be stretched. So I can really learn to depend on God. But are we all on the same page?

Mantou at 10:18 PM

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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Thankful - Josh Groban

Somedays, we forget to look around us,
Somedays, we can't see the joy that surrounds us,
So caught up inside ourselves,
We take when we should give,
So for tonight we pray for,
What we know can be,
And on this day we hope for,
What we still can't see,
It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though we all can still do more,
There's so much to be thankful for,
Look beyond ourselves,
There's so much sorrow,
It's way to late to say, I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth,
It's so long overdue,

So for tonight we pray for,
What we know can be,
And everyday, we hope for,
What we still can't see,
It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though we all can still do more,
There's so much to be thankful for,
Even with our differences,
There is a place were all connected,
Each of us can find each others light,
So for tonight, we pray for
What we know can be,
And on this day, we hope for,
What we still can't see,
It's up to us, to be the change,
And even though this world can still do so much more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Mantou at 10:45 PM

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Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Best I've Seen Since Patch Adams

I don't usually do reviews unlike my dear bro Roy, but this movie deserves every ounce and more of the literary creative juice that ebbs and flows through this body of mine. =) Truly one of the best movies I've seen since Patch Adams, it was a pleasant surprise given the fact that it was on impulse that Kyohei and me decided to catch a movie.

A Synopsis

To keep it short and sweet, a rich man (Edward Cole, played by Jack Nicholson) who owns hospitals contracts cancer and is admitted to his own hospital, where he is warded in the same ward as Carter Chambers (played by Morgan Freeman), who suffers the same fate as him. When they both realize they have barely a year left to live, they decided to embark on a mission to fulfill their wishlist before they kick the bucket. To quote the movie, the bucket list left them with their 'eyes closed but their hearts open'.

My two cents' worth

Funny, comical, wisecracking in all its geriatric humor, inspirational and clever all at the same time, The Bucket List, with its all-star cast of two of Hollywood's most influential actors of all time, is a must watch approved for all audiences.

The Cast

First up, Morgan Freeman. Acting as God in the last two sequels of the Almighty series, Bruce and Evan Almighty, seem to have prepared him for this part as a wise and loving Christian Grandpa. Cast as a mechanic by occupation, he is portrayed as a humble family man who gave up his ambition for the sake of his family. He never gave up his pursuit for knowledge though, and the richness and depth of his wisdom was cleverly woven in through his witty replies and love for a trivia game show, in which he always got the answers correct. Some of his lines are in fact quote-worthy, like this one: "Stars are like little holes on the floor of heaven". Ok, at this point I can't be sure if it was said to him or by him, but it's cool all the same. =) And he has many other cool quotes. So there.

Up next, Jack Nicholson. It seems a Hollywood formula to have contradicting roles that would end up complimenting each other so well. Or maybe that's the way life goes. Like Morgan Freeman, he is also not much different from the him that was cast in 'Something's gotta give' and 'As good as it gets'. In fact, I'm starting to think the epitome of acting is to get so comfortable with being yourself that your personality becomes the stuff movies are made of. Like Sean Connery and Harrison Ford and maybe even Jackie Chan. =) In his own words, Jack Nicholson is cast as one who 'likes getting married but also likes being single and has a hard time doing both at the same time'. He plays the one with the bravado of a teenager and suggests things like skydiving and getting a tattoo, or even kissing the most beautiful girl in the world (which has a lovely twist at the end!). Contributing largely to the hilarious in the movie, one can't help but laugh even when it's supposed to be a pitiful part of the movie like him feeling lonely even with all the girls he could hire.

The Art of the Movie

With such colorful characters, it takes meticulous effort to weave in lovely touches such as those portrayed in the movie. The ending was swift and surging, with the beauty and magnificence of a butterfly taking flight when it is fully grown. The filmakers, being artists in their own right, brings the audience through a myriad of emotions, sometimes even contrasting ones in the same scene. Watch for yourself and define those moments for yourself. It would do injustice to the movie to reveal them to those who potentially have yet to watch it. On the overall, as New York Times would put it, "Two Thumbs Up!"

Mantou at 11:15 PM

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Sunday, March 23, 2008

This is what JC jokes are all about.. Hmm..

'The lightbulb joke'
Q: How many RJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 4 whole faculties. One to design the new bulb, one to manufacture and test it out, one to write a proposal on it and one to market it.

Q: How many HCJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. To compete with RJC.

Q: How many VJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. One student to screw it in and the rest to cheer and wave flags and banners to give him/her support.

Q: How many NJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can study without light.

Q: How many AJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They're too busy trying to be one of the top 5 JCs.

Q: How many ACJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They'll rather use all their money to employ YJC to do it for them.

Q: How many YJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Only one teacher to tell them what a light bulb is in the first place and to demonstrate how to change the light bulb. (So how do you think they're able to change it for ACJC?)

Q: How many CJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They'll prefer it to be darker. (Hmmmm?*raises eye-brows* )

Q: How many JJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Their physics is so bad that they made their macho male physics teacher cry.

Q: How many TPJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Would they even bother?

Q: How many SAJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They believe in praying for it.

Q: How many NYJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are still using oil lamps.

Q: How many SRJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Huh, what litebarb?

Q: How many PJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Heck the light bulb lah, the principal would do something about the rightbarbs. Let's do 300 jumping jacks for not wearing the proper school attire.

Q: How many MJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are too busy trying to get promoted.

Q: How many IJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are Innovians. They'll find ways out of the dark.

Q: How many TJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They think they are already very bright.

Mantou at 9:24 PM

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Via Dolorosa - Way of suffering



Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
The Man condemned to die on Calvary

He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon His back
And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head
And He bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for His death

Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King,
But He chose to walk that road out of
His love for you and me.
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

Por la Via Dolorosa, triste dia en Jerusalem
Los saldados le abrian paso a Jesus
Mas la gente se acercaba
Para ver al que llevaba aquella cruz

Por la Via Dolorosa, que es la via del dolor
Como oveja vino Cristo, Rey, Senor
Y fue El quien quiso ir por su amor por ti y por mi
Por la Via Dolorosa al Calvario y a morir

The blood that would cleanse the souls of all men
Made its way through the heart of Jerusalem.

Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King
But He chose to walk that road out of His love for you and me
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

Mantou at 10:40 PM

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Friday, March 14, 2008

The World Today

Can you solve this riddle?


Here is a pretty neat little thing from Paul Harvey. See if you can guess the riddle at the end.

Paul Harvey Writes:

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hannukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.


These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

Send this to all of your friends. We secure our friends, not by accepting favors, but by doing them.

Paul Harvey RIDDLE:

When asked this riddle, 80% of kindergarten kids got the answer, compared to 17% of Stanford University seniors.

What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?

Mantou at 11:31 PM

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